Sometimes, my quest to run a marathon in all 50 states takes me to interesting and exotic places and makes people very jealous of my life. Sometimes, it takes me to Fargo, North Dakota. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that this country can really surprise you, and some of the places you’d think would be the most boring are some of the most interesting and fun. I’m very happy to report that Fargo is one of those places.

I got to Fargo around 8:30 pm on Friday night and was met by my friend Halbert, who was in Fargo to finish his quest to reach Titanium status in the Marathon Maniacs. For those of you who don’t know, the Marathon Maniacs is a group I belong to, and it was formed by people who wanted to run many marathons in a short amount of time. In order to join the club, you have to qualify by running 3 marathons in 90 days or 2 marathons in 16 days. If you do that, you may enter at Bronze level, and you’ll have 1 star. In order to reach the Titanium level, which is 10 stars, you must run a marathon in 30 states over 365 days or 52 marathons over the course of 365 days in whatever states you want. Halbert was choosing the 30 states option, and Fargo would be his last race. In addition to the fact that Titanium is a huge accomplishment, I am actually partially responsible for Halbert joining the Maniacs; my friend Maricar and I met him on the course at the ½ Sauer ½ Kraut Marathon last June and quickly convinced him to join the club. Therefore, I have ruined his life and bank account changed his life and obviously needed to be there to celebrate his accomplishment!

So yeah, I met this guy at a race and let him pick me up about an hour later. No one ever said I make good choices.

We got some food at Granite City Brewing Company and the headed over to the North Dakota State University dorms. It’s very difficult (and expensive!) to find hotel rooms in Fargo the weekend of the race, but I happened to find out that NDSU opens its dorms to runners since school is out for the summer. For only $110 total, you get a room for two nights with your linens and towels supplied, and you can check in any time on Friday and out any time on Sunday. It’s definitely not fancy, but it’s cheap and it’s a 5 minute walk to the starting line! You’re crazy to do the marathon and stay anywhere else, honestly. It’s awesome.

The race started kind of late on Saturday – 8:15! Weather forecasts indicated that it would be in the mid-80s and probably storming for most of the day. We briefly debated the merits of doing the early start so as to avoid some of the heat, but most of the time you do miss some of the experience doing the race that way, since many of the spectators and volunteers aren’t out yet. So we decided to start with everyone else since it didn’t really matter how long it took us to finish.

Gotta love my puffy morning face!

From pretty much right off the bat, the energy of Fargo was apparent. The city loves this race. Even in the first few miles, there were people out cheering on their lawns and entertainment out for the runners. Halbert and I came across some adorable elderly people square dancing in a parking lot to something that sounded like polka music. All the runners clapped as they ran by. Me and Halbert? We jumped in and danced with them.

I think my look of terror pretty much sums up the entire experience.

The other runners laughed and cheered when they saw us, but no one else jumped in. This was very smart on their part, because old people take their square dancing very seriously, and apparently Halbert and I are terrible square dancers. There’s a whole routine and everything that I could not figure out for the life of me, and bless the dancers’ hearts, they tried to help, but I’m a lost cause. Nonetheless, from that moment on, I knew it was going to be a fantastic day. I also had “Final Countdown” by Europe in my head, which I chose to repeat over and over in honor of Halbert’s Titanium finish. The only problem was that the only words I knew were “IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNNNNN!” and then the notes that come after it. So obviously, no one found that annoying.

We ran through the downtown area in some of the early miles, and I was really surprised by how cute it was. Something about it reminded me of an old western town, even though it didn’t really look that way. The half marathoners, who had started an hour earlier than us, were streaming by in the opposite direction, and I’ve got to say – this is the way all races should be run. There was no competition for water stops, no super crowded streets, no issues with bumping into walkers the entire race. Race directors, please take note. Anyway, a few miles later, we saw some of the early starters as they came back into town while we headed out, and look who I found? A member of Team T-Rex, of course!

Southerners unite! Yay Kevin!

It was warm, but we were running at a very easy pace for me, so I felt comfortable. It was clear that many other runners were having a difficult time, though. We saw our friend Jennifer, who was dressed as Magnum, P.I. (mustache and all) on and out and back when she was around mile 10 or so. She had been aiming for a race around 4:30, but was struggling with the heat, so she said she was going to wait for us to catch up. I didn’t really believe her, because we were pretty far behind and not going particularly fast, but sure enough, we saw her at Mile 14 and she was absolutely thrilled to see us – obviously.

About a year ago, I took another picture on a swing. Trivia question: which race was it?

As we headed back into town, we were able to take in all the sights of Fargo – including, but not limited to: painted statues of bison, polka bands accompanied by real Norwegian trolls, and more amazing spectators.

Sorry I’m not sorry for the excessive number of pictures.

Don’t believe how awesome the spectators were? Let me paint you a picture. As we were running through one of the neighborhoods in downtown Fargo, a woman comes jogging up to us holding a can of beer and says “Do you want a sip? I’ll jog next to you so you don’t have to stop!” And I said “Can we have the whole thing?” because I’m selfish like that. And of course, she said yes, and Jennifer and I were granted our mid-course beer, since Halbert doesn’t drink it. Hooray!

What kind of marathon would it be without beer? No kind of marathon at all.

An additional example of the amazing Fargo spectators would be the world’s creepiest/best family ever, who literally stalked the runners on the course. It was amazing. I am fairly confident we saw them 9 times. Every time we saw them, they recognized us (to be fair, we were hard to miss) and said “We’re watching you.” And seriously, I don’t know how they got to each spot so quickly. We weren’t moving at the fastest pace ever, but it was still impressive. It really did feel like they were watching us, and at one point, they were even sitting right next to a band that was playing “I’ll Be Watching You.” COME ON.

Best spectators ever, except T-Rex Mom, of course.

At mile 23, we came across Elvis, who had to have been even hotter than we were, since he was wearing a super aggressive black pantsuit. The man had a sign that said “Danny Elvis – An Intimate Musical Experience.” I shit you not. It was intimate.

Sometimes, these blogs pretty much write themselves. This guy ruled.

We were walking most of the way by this point, running for a about a minute every few minutes or so. I was having so much fun I couldn’t have cared less. The absolute best part of the entire race, and possibly my life, occurred at mile 24 as we passed a water stop. They were playing music, and “The Cupid Shuffle” happened to come on as we were passing through. If you think we did anything other than stop in the middle of the road and immediately start doing the Cupid Shuffle, then you don’t know me at all. We danced throughout the whole song, much to the amusement of the volunteers and the disbelief of the first time marathoners around us, who were both shocked and angry that we had that much energy left at this point in the race. But come on, that song is catchy as hell, and it’s not like we were setting any speed records at that point. We were having so much fun that we forgot to take a picture of it. Sorry I’m not sorry.

At mile 25, Halbert was struggling but wanted to attempt a T-Rex, so we tried to document the occasion with a photo. Unfortunately, the T-Rex was not completed due to the super oppressive heat and humidity, but he gave it a good effort.

Vicious as always.

The finish was one of my favorites so far – we ran straight into the Fargo Dome (Fargodome?) and finished in the middle of the stadium. The three of us held hands crossing the finish line, and I was so proud of Halbert and his huge accomplishment. Around mile 26, he said that he’s always been one of those people who finished 98% of a task, but not the whole thing. Well, he finished this one in style and inspired a ton of people along the way. I couldn’t be prouder!

Hanging in the Fargo Dome/Fargodome with my amazing Titanium friend!

After the race, I really felt awesome. I felt like I hadn’t run at all, and I could have kept going for a long time! We finished the race in 5:40, which was significant to me because last year I ran a lot of marathons at that pace and finished in pain and exhausted. Lately, it’s been feeling like a walk in the park. I know my training is paying off, and that’s exciting! It’s nice to enjoy every second of a race again.

After the race, we continued the shenanigans and met up with a bunch of Maniacs at a local pizza place. It was literally ½ a mile from the dorms we were staying in, but Halbert and I still managed to get lost and ended up downtown, obviously. We made it eventually and had a blast rehashing the race and making plans for future events with everyone else.

Good times post race!

After dinner, I wanted to try and find a small stuffed bison in honor of the time we spent at North Dakota State University, since their mascot is the bison. We ended up at Scheels, which is the sporting goods store that sponsors the Fargo Marathon. It is also the most amazing store I have ever set foot in. In addition to being literally the biggest sporting goods store I have ever seen, it also has a REAL FERRIS WHEEL inside. AND YOU CAN RIDE IT. If you’re wearing a marathon medal, you can apparently ride it for free. As if that wasn’t enough, they have a full café in there that makes their own fudge! EVEN SUGAR FREE FUDGE! It’s seriously amazing. I don’t know if every Scheels has such amazing luxuries, so I can’t speak for those, but you must visit the Fargo Scheels if you are ever in town. I promise, you will not be disappointed.

Best store EVER.

So basically, Fargo is amazing. The city is really cool and the spectators are amazing and supportive. The race is top notch. There was even plenty of food, including hot pizza, and beer left at the finish when we were done. The swag is great, and the medal is cool too! You really can’t go wrong doing this race. In fact, as much as I missed Amanda and Kate, I’m kind of glad they didn’t go this year because that means I get to go back next year and do it again! I can’t recommend this race enough. DO IT.

Rocking our awesome Fargo swag in the dorms!

Continuing the trend of ridiculous things happening during the weekend, our little group, which had now expanded to 4 with the addition of the magnificent Christy, left Wisconsin to head east to Michigan for the Kalamazoo Marathon the next day. On the way, we were going to pick up Emily, who had also run Wisconsin and was coming over to Kalamazoo with us. We had rented a small SUV for the occasion, and it was pretty tight seating in there with 5 of us, but we made it work – until the air conditioner mysteriously stopped working about 10 minutes into the trip. You’ve got 5 girls who have just run a marathon (mercifully we had all had time to shower) and now we’re driving 3.5 hours to Michigan in a car with no air conditioning in the middle of the afternoon – all of which is on the highway. Amanda and I literally pressed every single button we could find on the very fancy touch screen in the car to no avail. Air was barely coming out at all, let alone cold, so the trip consisted of putting the windows down just a little bit every few minutes until the pressure and noise built up too much in the car to continue, then putting the windows back up and sweating. Eventually, we decided to stop at a gas station to stretch our legs and get some cold water to drink, and I joked that maybe the air conditioning would work once we got back in the car – like a computer that needed to be restarted or something. AND LO AND BEHOLD, that is exactly what happened. For 10 minutes. Until it stopped working again and we were forced back into misery for the remainder of the ride. Ughhhhhh.

We finally made it to Kalamazoo at around 6:45 PM, which was stressing me out because I was supposed to meet my uncle and my cousin for dinner and I felt bad about making them wait for me. Fact – having people waiting on me is one of the things I find the most stressful in the entire world. They asked me where I wanted to go for dinner, and literally the only place I knew of in all of Kalamazoo was Bell’s Brewery, which just so happens to be the brewery where one of my favorite beers, Hopslam, is made. The brewery has a really cool atmosphere and great food, and I had a blast catching up with my uncle and cousin! It was great to see them!

My cousin in her Team T-Rex shirt!

As we were getting ready to leave, Kate, Amanda, Emily and Christy walked in – talk about perfect timing! I stayed with them and headed outside, where we hung out for awhile and chatted with other runners. And then we were accosted by a man who was there with a bachelor party and was easily more drunk than anyone else at the bar, including the bachelor himself. For some reason, he started talking to us and decided to stand on our benches and show each of us his homemade jorts (jean shorts) up close and personal.

The most important part of this picture is the random guy reaching his arm under our drunken friend for the crotch grab. That was a surprise to everyone.

As if we were not thoroughly traumatized enough, when we got back to our hotel, we realized the air conditioning in there wasn’t working either. SERIOUSLY? We had turned it down to the coldest setting and it was hot when we got into the room, so we called the front desk and they sent up the “building engineer.” He told us the air conditioner wasn’t broken and it just turns off when it reaches the desired temperature in the room. Um, sir, our desired temperature was 50 degrees and it’s easily 78. He told us we could switch to another room if it still wasn’t working after awhile. Who is going to do that at midnight? Not me. So instead, the other 3 passed out while I lay there sweating. Hooray!

We were told to be at the race pretty early because there was limited parking on the medical campus where the race started. We also needed to pick up our swag! Kate, Amanda, Christy and I were all doing the “Earn Your Mittens” Challenge, which was an extra incentive for people doing both the Wisconsin Marathon and the Kalamazoo Marathon. We got a special bib in Kalamazoo and an extra medal! Kate and I were also members of the 50 States Challenge team, since each of us had been the first person to sign up for the race from our respective states. That means we got free entry to the race and a free pair of New Balance shoes! Score! We took a picture with all of the other 50 State Challengers!

Um, not sure what Kate and I are doing, but my friend Lauri is to my left! I finally got to meet her!

Prior to the race, we took an aggressive amount of pictures and Amanda and I decided to find our coach and harass him.

Not an important picture, but I like it, and it’s my blog.

So, who is our coach? I know you’ve been just dying to find out. I’ll properly introduce him via an interview next week, but, drum roll please…our coach is 62 (or maybe 63 or 64? whatever)- time marathon winner and professional bad ass, Justin Gillette!

He’s really fast and claims that we can be fast too. I am not sure I believe him.

Justin and I became friends when he came down to Columbia and won our marathon. He runs a ton of marathons and runs them fast, so I thought, who better to teach us to run fast while running a lot of races than a person who actually does that? Obviously we’ve been thrilled with our results so far. He won the Kalamazoo Marathon again this year despite having to stop to pee at Mile 3 because Amanda and I distracted him before the race. Oops!

The race began and Kate was quickly in pain. She did have a severed tendon and had just run a marathon the day before, after all! At about mile 2, she told Amanda and I to go ahead without her because it was going to be a really long day and she had to walk a lot. There was absolutely no way in hell we were doing that, though. We already felt bad enough leaving her the day before, so we swore to stick together this time. Also around mile 2, we heard two guys that were right behind us ask what those “gel things” are. I turned around and said “Um, do you mean Gu? The stuff you use for fuel on your long runs?” And they said “Fuel?” So apparently these two gentlemen had decided to wake up that morning and run a marathon. They were wearing basketball shorts and t-shirts and had full marathon bibs on. I’m pretty sure it was a long day for them. At mile 4, there were some cheerleaders for Kalamazoo College, and we decided we just had to take a jumping picture with them. They even let us hold the pom poms!

You’re welcome for everything about this picture.

One thing we noticed basically right from the beginning was the absolutely incredible crowd support in Kalamazoo. People lined the streets, and it seemed like each neighborhood had it’s own block party going on. Everywhere we turned, someone was offering us food! It was amazing! We decided to just eat our way through Kalamazoo since it didn’t look like we’d be running all that much, and I’m going to just go ahead and say that this was one of the best decisions we’ve made in recent memory. While running through the only part of the course I didn’t like (weird industrial park kind of loop thing), we saw a neon green poster up ahead that said “Marathon Maniac Aid Station,” but there was nothing there except a poster. Knowing Maniacs, I figured they might have hidden some stuff behind the poster, and sure enough, THERE WAS BEER.

Team T-Rex loves mid-marathon beer.

We split one between the three of us, and that’s probably the fastest any of us have ever consumed beer. It was awesome. After this point in the race was when we started running through all the neighborhoods and really felt the love from Kalamazoo. Seriously, this city is amazing. I have never seen anything like it. They support the marathoners 110%, even the back of the packers, as we were today. People offered us everything from pretzels to gummy bears, freshly made pancakes, popsicles, and bacon. It was seriously unbelievable. I am so glad we were doing this race slowly and for fun, because the idea of missing out on all that awesome stuff makes me real sad.

Just grabbing some freshly made pancakes hot off the griddle. No big deal.

The also had some spectators out in costume, including the Pope. The Pope was serving bacon, obviously. No one is sure why, but we liked it.

Us and our friend Ashley just chilling with the Pope

I think it was around mile 16 or so that Kate started getting really cranky. I had a pretty epic hate spiral in Wisconsin the day before, but she was even in a worse mood. It hurt her calf to walk, but she was having trouble breathing when she ran, so there was basically no pace at which she felt comfortable. We tried to distract her by doing stupid things and interacting with every spectator we saw. Oh, one thing that was random and amazing was how knowledgeable the spectators were! As part of the “Earn Your Mittens” Challenge with the Wisconsin and Kalamazoo marathons, we had special orange bibs instead of the blue bibs that the marathoners were wearing. It was amazing how many people actually knew what the orange bibs meant! They’d yell “GO MITTENEERS!” and ask where we were from. It was pretty cool that so many people cared enough about the race to actually read about it, but like I said, this is a town that really loves its marathon.

We slowed down more as Kate’s pain and hate spiral continued, but this was actually pretty nice for me and Amanda. We were both feeling really good from the race the day before, but it was nice not to have to think about running up some of the huge hills! Granted, the course isn’t overly challenging, but there’s probably 3 or 4 hills where you just look at them and think “absolutely not.” In fact, I kept telling Kate and Amanda that I never want to be really fast like Justin because he has to run up the hills. I never want to be so fast that running up the hills is a requirement even when I don’t want to. Yes, I am a very motivated individual. During the latter part of the race, Kate’s hands were swelling and she was having a hard time getting enough oxygen even when we were walking. So naturally, I stopped at the medical tent and asked them if they had any oxygen – probably not the best idea, because they gave me a look of alarm and started freaking out about who needed oxygen. I was like “Umm…never mind…just hypothetically” and ran away. Oops!

The last few miles of the race went through an absolutely gorgeous park and looped around a lake. There, we took a picture with Elvis. The whole thing is actually extremely genius – you can pose for a picture with Elvis and then they give you a little rubber wristband with the web address where you can go to download the picture. The website is a philanthropy associated with clean water, so they are attracting a lot more attention to their cause! I was super impressed by that idea, so maybe look for a T-Rex in costume at a race near you sometime soon. Ha!

Again, this is why I love doing races just for fun. For the record, this is not the official photo.

There was no T-Rex at mile 25 of this race because it just wasn’t possible, so we took some more pictures instead. Hey, after the previous day’s performance in Wisconsin, I think we all deserved a break. The only problem was that we had to check out of our hotel by 2, and we were slated to finish the race around 1:45 – uh oh!

Marathon soulmates since 2011

They announced our names as we ran across the finish line with our hands over our hearts for Boston. And guess who was manually punching in all of the numbers at the finish line? That would be Justin, our coach, who had won the marathon about 3 hours earlier and was now sticking around helping. He’s awesome! We ended up finishing somewhere around 5:42, which all things considered, I thought was pretty awesome. And I felt great at the end. Kate, not so much, but hey, we earned our mittens! Another double survived!

Right after the race, I immediately grabbed Kate’s phone and called the hotel to tell them a sob story about how we had run slower than anticipated because our friend was gravely injured and asked if they would let us grab our stuff and rinse off quickly. I knew that if there was any town in which they would allow for this type of accommodation, it was Kalamazoo, and I was right! The staff could not have been nicer and more understanding. We didn’t end up leaving until almost 3 and they couldn’t have cared less. It was so amazing and appreciated. Kalamazoo really cares about the runners and that showed the entire day from beginning to end.

We don’t always take pictures wearing all of our medals, but when we do, it’s in McDonald’s.

I really can’t say enough good things about this race. From the course to the organization, the perks and swag, the double opportunity, the city itself, and the spectators, the whole thing is pretty much flawless. I have never seen that much enthusiasm in a town of this size for a race. Everyone told me I would love this marathon, but I’ll admit that I was a little skeptical because Michigan has a lot of great races and I want to run them all. Turns out, everyone was right. I don’t think I could have come up with a better experience if I had organized it myself. THANK YOU, Kalamazoo! Everyone else – go do this race RIGHT NOW. Ok, in May 2014. But you know what I mean.

I don’t know why I expect my race weekends to be anything short of ridiculous, because they pretty much always are. The Wisconsin Marathon/Kalamazoo Marathon double weekend started early Friday morning with Amanda and I flying to Chicago and meeting Kate about 8:30 AM. At the rental car desk, the first fail of the weekend occurred when I tried to pay using my credit card and they wouldn’t let me, because for some reason although the front of my credit card says my legal name, it still says my married name when you swipe it, and for some reason they insist that the swiped name match your license, so I got to pay with my debit card instead. I should have known this was an omen for a weekend full of absurd happenings.

The day started with a trip to the famous “Bean” in Chicago’s Millennium Park, which Amanda had never seen. I got to experience that joy of driving downtown in a major city, and we eventually found parking to the tune of $20 an hour – totally reasonable, obviously. The weather was 40 degrees and raining, and guess who was wearing flip flops? If you guessed “all of Team T-Rex,” you’d be correct, because we failed to account for the fact that we would be spending a few hours walking around downtown. Not our best move. We were able to take a pretty spectacular jumping picture in front of the Bean, though!

Four picture attempts later, success!

After freezing to death in front of the Bean, we warmed up in Starbucks for a bit and then decided to head to the North Face store to kill some time. We figured they might have some good sales on their remaining winter stuff, and since we had clearly dressed inappropriately, we could all benefit from jackets. After more terrifying driving in downtown Chicago – which, by the way, is a city that apparently does not find lane lines necessary – we finally found what may or may not have been a parking spot and took a chance to head into the store, only to be informed that that location has only 2 sales a year, and May is not one of those times. Oh well! Next on the agenda was lunch with the always entertaining Otter, so we headed over to the Goose Island brew pub near Wrigley Field.

Blurry, but we tried.

Apparently no one in Chicago actually works during baseball season because the bar was packed with people getting ready to go to the Cubs game at 1 pm. Most teams couldn’t get that many people to go to their games on a Saturday night when there’s nothing else to do! It was pretty impressive, and kind of scary how many people were everywhere. I wish we had had time to go to the game, but alas, the life of a traveling marathon runner is too hectic.

Had to get a photo in front of Wrigley, obviously.

So, the Wisconsin Marathon is billed as America’s “Cheesiest” Marathon because it is cheese-themed. Amanda decided that we really really needed to wear some type of cheese apparel during the race in honor of the theme. She wanted us to wear Cheeseheads like the people in Green Bay wear to football games, which I was obviously adamantly opposed to, and our other option was wearing foam cheese crowns. But again, Amanda very rarely asks for much and she puts up with my crap all the time, so I was willing to consider some type of cheese apparel as an option. I did not know that this would involve us driving all over the state of Wisconsin in an attempt to find said apparel. The first stop was to Mars’ Cheese Castle, which is literally a castle from which they sell cheese and cheese-themed items. We had high hopes for this place.

This is a real place.

Tragically, Mars’ Cheese Castle did not sell the cheese crowns, and we determined that the cheese heads themselves would be too big and bounce around too much to run in. This did not stop us from sampling every cheese they sold in the place, plus cheese curds. The sell cheese that is shaped like different things there, including cheese shaped like a mug of beer. It was pretty awesome, and I could have spent a ton of money in there, but I knew that if I did, I would be the only one in my house eating hundreds of dollars worth of cheese, so I refrained. Meanwhile, Kate bought $60 worth of cheese.

I know my eyes are closed, but you get the point.

We then tried to find cheese crowns at another shop, but again had no luck, so we decided to just go to the race expo and hope (or hope not, if you’re me) that they would be selling some type of cheese paraphernalia. As it turns out, it was Amanda’s lucky day, because they were selling cheese crowns for only $10, so guess who got to buy one? Hooray. After some crazy running around trying to get my friend Denis registered for the race and pick up packets for some other runners, we hit the Maniacs dinner at the local Olive Garden, which is apparently the only Italian restaurant in Kenosha, because that place was packed. We headed to sleep super early (we’re talking like 8:30) in preparation for an early wake up call the next morning, because we’re cool like that.

So race morning dawned and it was pretty freaking freezing outside. The start line was very close to Lake Michigan, so wind coming off the lake was intense and it was cold anyway. We literally huddled together for warmth. Where were we huddling? Oh, you know, the special Cheese Corral that they had at the front of the pack for people that were wearing cheese apparel. I thought this was kind of funny because it was literally right next to the area where the elite runners start. Because people who are wearing foam cheese crowns and elite athletes are definitely running the same pace, obviously.

Just hanging out in the cheese corral with another guy in a cheese crown. No big deal.

The race started and I felt terrible almost immediately. From pretty much mile 2 on, I was miserable. It was so weird – my legs were tight and heavy, my back hurt, I was incredibly nauseous – usually that stuff doesn’t happen until much later in the race. I braced myself for the potential of a long day, although Amanda and I had a goal to finish in under 5 hours, as commanded by our coach. The course ran along Lake Michigan for much of the race, which was both a blessing and a curse – it was really pretty, but also windy, and the roads were terrible. It was almost like running on a trail because there were so many bumps and potholes that you really had to watch where you put your feet. There were some pretty views, though, and the temperature was good for running, even if we were wearing cheese crowns. With Kate coming off of an injury, Amanda and I headed off at our own pace and ended up finding JC a couple of miles into the race, dressed in his Team T-Rex shirt, of course.

I just noticed that our shoe colors are pretty aggressive.

The course has several out and back sections, which was great for seeing our friends and did sort of make the time go by faster, but I just felt so crappy. We were running along at a good pace, though, so I tried to just hang on. Around mile 9, JC informed us that it was time for him to go since he needed to catch a flight to Chicago, so he took off. Despite running around a 10 minute pace with us for the first 9 miles, he ended up finishing in under 4 hours. Ridiculous! As we approached mile 12, where the half split from the full, I told Amanda I was thinking about just doing the half. I couldn’t really imagine running another 14 miles feeling so crappy, and I honestly didn’t want to. As I thought about what I wanted to do, I realized that I have run plenty of races feeling terrible, and this one is no different. We were still running 10 minute pace, so it’s not like we were embarrassing ourselves out there, and feeling bad isn’t a good excuse to quit. So I didn’t. We hit the halfway point at exactly 10 minute miles, but at mile 14, I had to stop and walk for a little bit. I felt so nauseous and awful. We walked for a few minutes, I whined, and then we started running again. Every time we ran past a spectator (which didn’t really happen all that often), people yelled “GO CHEESE QUEENS!” so that was kind of entertaining. They really appreciated the crowns, which we were still wearing. I have to say, the crown didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would, but maybe that’s because everything else was bothering me. Either way, you win this round, Amanda.

Not mile 15, but here’s a random shot of the course for those who care about such things.

Around mile 15, I started making goals to help myself get through each segment of the race. I told Amanda I wanted to get to mile 20 in 3:30, because I knew we would definitely finish under 5 hours if we did that, and it would be a 10:30 pace. There were some strange sections on gravel roads, but our pace didn’t slow down significantly. We saw Kate about 1.5 miles behind us when we were just past mile 19, and she was doing awesome! We got to mile 20 well ahead of our goal, and so I made goals to get us to mile 22 in the same pace. Then mile 24. It was windy and cold in the final few miles, and as much as I wanted to just quit and walk the whole rest of the way, I knew we were on pace for a PR for Amanda, and I was determined not to ruin that for her. Obviously she could have continued to run on by herself, but I wanted to be there for finish with her. Therefore, I kept going, hating every single step along the way. I haven’t been in a bad mood like that during a race for quite awhile, but I was so angry and frustrated and exhausted. I didn’t even want spectators to cheer us on, because I felt like I was being drained of energy every time I acknowledged them. One Maniac tried to talk to us around mile 24, bless his heart, and I was basically like “We’re on PR pace and I can’t talk right now.” Oops.  I made up for it by giving him some Aquaphor later at the hotel, but I still felt bad. Sorry for the hate spiral, Wisconsin.

See how happy I look? It’s because I’m SO HAPPY.

As we approached the finish line, a PR seemed out of reach for me, but it was definitely going to happen for Amanda. My PR is 4:28:02, and I just didn’t see how it would be possible to finish in 4:27 because I literally could not run any faster. I figured it would be more like 4:29 or 4:30. I stopped looking at my watch and pushed as much as I could during the final stretch, and we crossed the finish line in something like 4:28:40. I couldn’t believe how close we were to a PR and I was so excited that we ran under 4:30! Kind of crushed that sub-5 goal, right? Amanda was afraid I would be mad that I had come so close to a PR and not gotten one, but I honestly don’t feel like I could have run one second faster, so I was really happy with the effort. Besides, I’m choosing to blame the cheese crowns (which we wore the entire race, by the way) for those lost 39 seconds, since they are hardly aerodynamic, right? Right. Also, this race was a huge confidence booster for me. I haven’t run under 4:30 since December 2011, and I came really close to PRing even though I felt awful. It is exciting to think about how I could do if I was feeling good! Clearly, the training program we’re doing is working, so I’m excited to see where it goes.

Hands over our hearts for Boston.

Kate ended up finishing in under 5 hours too, which is amazing since homegirl literally only has one working tendon right now. That being said, she was in pretty bad shape immediately after crossing the finish line, so I convinced the medical staff to give us a ride on a golf cart to our car, which they gladly did. Now that is service! Most exciting of all, we had finished in such blazing speed that we had plenty of time to shower at the hotel before our checkout! We weren’t even rushed! Normally it’s a mad dash back to the hotel, where we try to fight off the housekeeping staff for as long possible so we can take 2 minute showers and then get to the car or airport. It was so luxurious we could barely stand it. I think we need to start running faster just so we can have guaranteed showers at races.

I’m going to spare you the entire sequence of photos it took to get to this point, but trust me, it was awesome.

Sorry I’m not sorry for the excessive number of pictures in this post. The next one will probably be no exception.

How was your weekend? Have you ever run a fast time at a race where you felt terrible?

There is no way to describe my experience in Myrtle Beach this weekend besides surreal. It was just unbelievable on every level – the good, the bad, and the ugly. To start the weekend off, Chuck picked me up Saturday morning and we headed directly to Myrtle Manor. Oh, you’re not familiar with Myrtle Manor? Well, get your life together and turn on TLC because it is the world’s most famous trailer park.

When was the last time any of us learned anything from “The Learning Channel?” Serious question.

So basically, it’s a trailer park in Myrtle Beach that now has its own television show, and it’s pretty glorious. I mean, I guess it’s actually really redneck and trashy, terrible entertainment, but like I said – glorious. We saw all of the landmarks of the show, including the famous “Myrtle Manor” sign, the Tangulls salon, the pool, and everything else. We even saw some of the cast outside their trailers. They literally live there. It’s not a joke. And they will come outside and talk to you and take pictures with you. Chuck and I were not that brave – too starstruck.

Too bad Chuck will never need to visit Tangulls for hair cutting purposes.

We also took a picture with the owners of the trailer park, Becky and Cecil, who are featured on the show. They were just hanging out, selling Myrtle Manor merchandise out of, you guessed it, a trailer. They were really nice and we talked to them for a long time. Maybe I bought some stuff, maybe I didn’t. I’m not telling you how much I spent there. It’s embarrassing.

Is it sad that these are probably the biggest celebrities I’ve ever met? I need to get out more.

After having our minds blown by Myrtle Manor, Chuck and I decided to head over to the Run Like a Diva Health and Fitness Boutique. You read that correctly. It is not an expo, it is a boutique. I find things like this odd, but I get that it’s part of the whole Diva schtick. The parking situation was a little hectic, and once we finally pulled into our space, I saw a car covered with writing that said things like “Diva or Bust!” and “Gone to get our Diva on!” and polka dots and stuff on the back windshield and it just really amused me, so I was pulling out my phone to take a picture when the car suddenly started – awkward! It reminded Chuck of the Tebowing incident from the Disney Marathon back in 2012, so he couldn’t stop laughing.

The inside of the boutique (yes, I will be italicizing it every time) was absolutely packed. It was actually considerably smaller than I expected it to be, and there wasn’t nearly as much merchandise as one would think. We grabbed our bibs and headed over to get our shirts, knowing that Chuck would be receiving a women’s cut since although they allow men to run in the race, they do not provide them with t-shirts. Not that it would have mattered, honestly, because the shirts were almost hilariously small. I had sized up and gotten a medium, anticipating just such a thing, and it’s still almost a belly shirt on me. This struck me as kind of odd because it’s a race for women, so you would kind of think the one thing they would really have figured out would be the shirts, right? Well, not so much. Good thing I have too many race shirts to care, but I could see people being upset if it was their first race. Anyway, we quickly got over it because there was a drag queen available to take pictures with. Everyone loves a drag queen.

This is DJ Honey-Loquacious. So there’s that.

It may also be worth noting that Ali Vincent, the first female winner of the Biggest Loser, was there as well. We felt too awkward asking her to take a picture with us, so we didn’t. Just for fun, here’s a picture of a girl who walked into the expo with her bathing suit on, because YOLO, I guess.

I mean, I know it’s Myrtle Beach, but we were literally nowhere near the beach. COME ON.

After the boutique, Chuck and I met up with Amanda back at our hotel and we went on a short shakeout run to discuss our race strategy. Amanda and I were still feeling pretty apprehensive about the entire situation, but I decided that I was going to steel myself and be positive and not panic no matter what. We all went to dinner and then literally went to sleep at 8:30 pm, because that’s what (lame) runners do.

I woke up in the morning feeling tired, having slept restlessly. My legs felt heavy, my stomach felt stupid, and the idea of running was just not appealing. No matter – we had a sub-2 half marathon to run! We were able to get to the starting area and park with ease and even managed to hitch a ride on a golf cart to the line. So much for warming up, I guess! As we milled about at the start, Chuck kept looking around for other guys and wasn’t really having any success. Finally, he shouted and pointed “Look! There’s another dude!” It was not a dude. We decided to implement a “no gender guessing” rule from that point on.

Meanwhile, I was keeping my eye out for several readers who I knew were at the race, and one of them found me! It was great to meet Ann, who runs with the Strictly Running group in Columbia. She gave me a huge hug and said she loved my blog, and we all know I love people who love my blog.  Sorry in advance for the remaining pictures on the blog – it was not my most photogenic day.

Hey Ann! Thanks for saying hi! And yes – my bib says “Non-Diva T-Rex” I added the “Non.”

The race started and I quickly started panicking about all the people ahead of us that were clogging up the road. The one thing about this race that I was really afraid of turned out to be true – a lot of women came to the race in groups for a girls weekend and all ran together. I totally get that and I think it’s something that is really great and fun, but these huge groups were in the corrals that were supposed to be for people running 6-7 minute miles. I don’t care how fast you sprint, your walk/run strategy is not keeping you moving at that pace. Sorry I’m not sorry. So we spent the first probably 4-5 miles weaving in and out of different groups and me silently cursing at everyone. I was so worried about getting really behind on our pace and having to run much faster to catch up. Only our first mile was too slow, though, and only by 18 seconds, so my fears were overcome. I kept reminding myself “don’t panic, don’t panic” because my friend had told me no matter how fast or slow the first mile went, it wasn’t that important and I shouldn’t panic. I tried to listen, Doug! I had written our pace splits on Amanda’s arms (she sweats the least of all three of us and we were not so thoughtful as to print out a pace band), so my thoughts for at least the first half mile of each mile we ran were pretty much occupied by doing mental math and calculating where we needed to be at each mile marker according to our coach’s plan for us.

Note to self: I would be a terrible pacer. Much too high strung.

The plan was to run exactly on pace (9:09) for the first 3 miles of the race, then run 9:00-9:05 for the next 6-7 miles to provide a little bit of a cushion for the last 5k of the race. We hit the 3 mile mark pretty much dead on where we were supposed to be, even with the slow first mile. That was a huge confidence boost because one of the things I was the most worried about was pacing. I mostly led the group, but Chuck wore my Garmin and told us when we were going considerably faster than we should have been. I didn’t want to wear it because I knew I would check the stupid thing every 2 minutes and it would stress me out, and I’m glad I didn’t. I felt like we were running a consistent, comfortably hard pace. No one could really talk much, but every once in awhile we would try. It definitely wasn’t a conversational pace, so any talking ended shortly after it started.

As we made our way through the next 10k, I wanted us to hit each mile marker at a 9 minute pace, but I quickly realized we were running faster than that. Chuck was only calling out overall time, not our individual mile splits so as not to give me and Amanda panic attacks about our blazing speed. As the miles went by, my calculations were clearly showing us a good bit ahead of sub-2 pace. We still walked through the water stations – although I think we might have skipped one or two – but we walked for much less time than usual. It was literally a “chug water and go” situation. I had my handheld bottle with my “Motts for Tots” juice  in it and was feeling good. One of the other big concerns I had was needing to run faster to make up for walking at the water stops. Amanda and I are used to taking pretty decent walk breaks at the water stations, and I was worried about how the lack of walking would affect me mentally and physically.  I honestly think I was so focused on the numbers and achieving our goal that it didn’t bother me as much as it probably should have. The miles just kept ticking away, and before I knew it, we were closing in on mile 8 and I started thinking about what time we would have to get to mile 8 in order to be running at a sub-9 minute pace. It’s an hour and 12 minutes, in case you were wondering, and we got there in 1:11 and some change. I was really excited when I realized that we only had about 45 minutes of running left – it seemed like nothing! Amanda was not happy when I announced that because apparently she was not feeling like 45 minutes was nothing. Even though I felt good, I never let my guard down that something might happen. With as many stomach issues as I have, I honestly wasn’t prepared to consider that a sub-2 hour finish might really happen until I saw the clock at the finish line!

I will not be duped into causing my own demise!

With not talking too much and not taking pictures, we didn’t really have too many amusing things happen. Pretty much our sole source of entertainment was all the spectators and the other runners who were making fun of Chuck for being a guy in an almost entirely female race. Early on, one of the other runners said “Hey! He’s not a diva!” Rude. Dudes can be divas too, ok? Pretty much everyone thought it was funny and he got lots of encouragement. I think we saw 3 other guys in the entire half marathon, so definitely not too many. That being said, even though it was an all women’s race mostly, it didn’t really feel any different. Maybe it was because I was running with one of the few guys, but I really didn’t notice a difference. Also, it was very quiet near us for the most part because it wasn’t really an easy pace. There was much less of the walking, picture taking, and chatting than goes on at the slower paces. I will say that there were a TON of spectators at this race, which really surprised me. It was better attended than the vast majority of marathons I have been too, which was really cool! I guess a lot more people come to watch when it’s a race of all women…pervs.

We hit mile 10 at 1:29 and some change, and I knew we were in really good shape. I modified Taylor Swifts “22″ and started singing “I don’t know about you, but I’m running under 2!” much to the simultaneous amusement and dismay of Chuck and Amanda. I was feeling  great! Now it was just about focusing on staying strong and not psyching ourselves out. The miles kept ticking by and I almost couldn’t believe it was happening, but I forced myself not to count our chickens before they hatched. As we hit mile 12, we literally had 14 minutes to finish the last mile and come in under 2 hours, so I was finally optimistic about our chances. We pushed hard that last mile because I knew that we could finish at sub-9 minute pace. During the last mile, I finally started to get a bit uncomfortable as we ran fast. It was a wonderfully cloudy and cool enough day, but it was very humid and I started getting really warm. About 0.2 miles from the finish line, we hit the “boa and tiara” station and grabbed some props for the finish line! I looked behind me to make sure Chuck had grabbed his, and he was like “Oh, I missed them!” Nice try, Chuck. No way he was getting away with not wearing something totally divalicious as we crossed that finish line! So I handed him my tiara with a look of disapproval and kept my boa and we kept running hard.

It’s cute that you thought you’d get out of running with a tiara, Chuck. Really. It is.

So, do you think we broke 2 hours? You’re damn right we did. Our official finish time was 1:56:05. Yeah, that’s 8:51 pace. The top 8% of all 3640 finishers. BOOM. A 6+ minute PR for me and an 11+ minute PR for Amanda!

After the finish line, I had to face my worst fears and collect my medal from a shirtless “fireman” while literally dripping sweat. As if that was not mortifying enough, Amanda recognized this as good blog material and insisted we take a picture. She doesn’t often insist on anything, so I agreed.

I’m laughing on the outside and crying on the inside.

After the traumatic shirtless firefighter incident of 2013, we walked through the food and picture line to chants of “Go Diva! Go Diva! Go Diva!” which was possibly my favorite thing that has ever happened in my entire life. We were given roses and perhaps the most disgusting champagne on the planet, which was funny because I have less than zero knowledge of what good versus bad champagne tastes like it, but this was universally terrible. All in all, I was genuinely impressed by the race organization, as much as it pains me to say. It was a really well done event on race day and I truly have no complaints besides preferring that the medal bearers wear shirts, but I believe I am alone in that category. Although the shirts and the boutique could be improved, everything else was really spot on. You win this round, Divas.

All decked out in our Diva stuff. And yes, we wore grey to protest all the pink. Dammit, I just noticed Chuck took off his tiara already. You sneaky bastard.

I am so proud of how all of us ran this race. Chuck stayed behind us and therefore was an exceptional pacer because he didn’t lead us astray. Instead, he made sure we stayed on track and amused us by being one of the few men in the race. He was so positive and comforting the whole time and was an awesome cheerleader! Amanda overcame a lot of uncertainty and self doubt and kept pushing the last few miles even when it got hard. I did not panic and kept breathing the entire time and was comfortable the entire race. I finished knowing that I probably could have run a little bit faster (which I am glad we didn’t because I had no idea what that pace would feel like for that long) and that I could have continued running at the same pace for another 3-4 more miles if I had to. When I texted our coach to tell him, he said “T-Rex is a speedasaurus!” which made me laugh and then told me our new marathon goal is a 3:45, which made me cry. Nonetheless, this race made me feel really optimistic about the training I’ve been doing, and I was proud of myself for putting so much effort into doing a lot of mental preparation. I feel like it really paid off, and I am so grateful to all of you for your advice! I used many of your mantras along the way, and thinking about them the whole time made me laugh! Ultimately, I came up with my own, and I repeated it to myself several times throughout the race to remind myself that I am calm, controlled, and can run at this  pace all day if I need to: “I am Anton Krupicka with cleaner hair.”

Want to know something else that’s cool? One of the awesome readers of this blog, Deb, came in 2nd overall in today’s race and my friend super speedy friend Kristen came in 9th! I am so lucky to know all of you super fast people – you inspire me! And on that note, I’d like to share with you something one of my friends wrote on her blog that I thought was awesome: “My slowest half marathon is someone else’s fastest half marathon, and my fastest half marathon is someone else’s slowest half marathon. That doesn’t make us bad runners or bad people; everyone is experiencing different circumstances in life or in their runs, and the thing that matters is that they are out there doing it and getting it done. I truly believe that the very last finisher, or the person who struggles the most, is just as strong if not stronger than the person who is the best or comes in first.”