You know sometimes when you feel really overwhelmed and you just need that one sign that progress is being made? Just a little sign from the universe that says things are going in the right direction? Well, I got that this week. Or rather, I guess you could say I created it. I finally finished my very first DIY project for our house! Well, first furniture project. We’ve done plenty of other stuff. Anyway, it is stupid that something so small would be so meaningful to me, but it is. When we first moved into the house, I had all these plans for furniture I was going to refinish, rooms we were going to completely overhaul, etc., and a lot of that has fallen by the wayside between work and Barre3 certification. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have my amazing parents helping us at every single turn, but I was getting frustrated because I could never help. It felt like I was never going to be able to get all this stuff done and it was just going to loom over me forever, reminding me of my poor choices and ridiculous schedule. But then, I got an hour on Sunday night to work on the cedar chest I bought from Craigslist. I bought this hope chest for $60 the week we moved in, and I’ve been working on it for half an hour here or there whenever I can spare a few minutes.
And little by little, the natural beauty of the old chest came out! I was so excited to finish it and store our ski stuff in there, you would think I had won the lottery. #DIYnerd
So anyway, no, it is not the biggest deal in the world or the largest accomplishment ever, but it makes me feel like it is possible for me to finish the things that I have started. And yes, maybe it will only happen 15 or 30 minutes at a time, and it might take me a month to finish a piece of furniture or to finish unpacking a room or whatever, but the point is, it is possible. And that makes me feel like maybe everything else is possible too.
On the Barre3 certification front, things have been going really well since we got back from Portland. I am hoping to submit my certification video early next week and get this show on the road! I am feeling a thousand times more confident, and although I have almost quit multiple times due to stress, anxiety, and a general feeling of being the worst barre instructor ever, I’m glad that I’ve stuck with it. I’m having a blast with the other instructors and I’m so excited to be a part of bringing Barre3 to Greenville!
And running….oh, running. I’m trying. It’s not going so great. I am working late almost every night and have barre practice most nights after work. If I don’t have practice and am not working til 10 pm, I run. We have been out of town the past few weekends and it is really hard to get in the groove of any type of training schedule, so I don’t know what my fall is going to look like. I’m trying not to panic about how far behind I am in training, but it’s hard not to, especially with no end to this madness in sight. Of course, the whole situation is giving me a lot of anxiety (what else is new?) so I try and keep reminding myself that it’s just running. Running is not more important than my marriage or my job or my sanity, and there are only 24 hours in a day. So for now, I am doing the best I can and I’ll see what happens in the fall. I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of game time decisions.
Some people have asked me (in my normal life) why I take so much on and why I don’t like to quit things or let go of different areas of my life when I start to feel so stressed out. It’s very easy for people around me to say “Oh, well, just quit barre” or “Don’t work so much” or “Pay someone to put in your floor instead of doing it yourself.” I find that type of advice frustrating because I take commitments very, very seriously. If I decide that I am going to put effort into something and I fully commit mentally to it, I am going to do it. The reason for that is because when I was a kid, I was a huge quitter. I didn’t like things to be hard, and I always wanted them to be fun. I quit more sports and hobbies than I can count, and as I became a teenager, I began to hate that about myself. My natural tendency is to quit when things get hard. As I’ve gotten older, I have swung so far in the opposite direction that it borders on dangerous. I cling to everything until it is absolutely done, and I am extremely stubborn about it because I am terrified that if I let myself quit even one thing now, I will never finish another one. That’s why the furniture I bought with the intention of repainting is still in my garage – because I am afraid that if I move it upstairs and start to use it as it currently is, I will just say “forget it” and never get around to painting it. Kind of insane, right? But, if there’s one thing you can count on with me, it’s that I’m going to do what I say I’m going to do – it just might take awhile.
Anyway, the point of this post is to say that amidst all the (mostly) self-inflicted stress and craziness, there are occasionally moments when I feel like I’m a functioning adult and I’m doing ok. At the end of the day, I would always rather have too much to do than too little. I’ll sleep when I’m dead, as they say.
LEAVE A COMMENT: What little rays of hope have you gotten recently?