I assume you’re all just as obsessed with Facebook as I am, yes? Yes. Undoubtedly, then, you have seen the little “game” going around where people write some odd number of facts down about themselves in their status and then everyone who “likes” the status gets assigned a number of things that they must write about themselves in their status, and the game continues.
I am aggressively boycotting this game.
Not because I don’t like to write things about myself for people to read (obviously) but because I think it is a very sneaky game. Many of the people who are playing it don’t bother to mention that if you like the status, you then get assigned a number. What if I was just liking your status because I think the fact that you regularly wet the bed until you were 14 is hilarious? It is hilarious, and I shouldn’t be penalized for thinking so. Anyway, point being, it’s a game of trickery and I cannot condone it.
However, I do like facts. And I like learning new things. So I’m going to tell you some facts about myself and you’re going to tell me a fact about yourself in return, ok? Great.
1. I don’t like macaroni and cheese.
Perish the thought, I know. It’s strange because I like pasta, and I live for cheese, but the combination of the two is fundamentally unacceptable to me. The texture becomes weird and it’s just all bad. I might make an exception for macaroni and pimento cheese, but that is only because I love pimento cheese so much that I’d be willing to overlook the texture thing. Doesn’t matter if it’s Kraft macaroni and cheese or homemade macaroni and cheese, it’s all terrible.
Which brings me to fact #2: I don’t like salad.
2. I slept on the floor in my parents’ room off and on until I was 16.
In what is easily the most embarrassing thing I have ever admitted on the internet (and that’s saying a lot, amiright?), I slept in my parents’ room off and on until I was 16. I have an absolutely paralyzing fear of the dark and I’ve never had a good dream – I have only had nightmares my entire life. For years, I slept with the lights on. To this day, I sleep with a loaded shotgun next to my bed and I wake up probably 4-5 times a night afraid that someone is about to attack me. When I was a kid, I was so scared that I would stay awake until my parents went to sleep and then drag my pillow and blanket into their room so I could sleep. They always made me start the night in my own room in hopes that once in awhile I would actually stay in there, but that rarely happened. I’d probably be sleeping in their room to this day were it not for the fact that I got a serious boyfriend when I was 16 and it suddenly occurred to me that people who had serious boyfriends probably did not sleep on the floor in their parents’ rooms. So thank you, Danny, for that. (Yes, my high school boyfriend’s name was Danny. It was awful.)
Perhaps my parents should have just gotten me a more attentive cat.
3. My mom made me my own spelling lists in school.
I started reading at a young age because I was busy avoiding running, so I always had a pretty good grasp on the English language. As luck would have it, I’m also a strong speller. When I changed schools in the first grade, my class was spelling words like “cat,” and “bat,” and T-Rex Mom began what would be a long tradition of forcing me into academic pursuits that I hated at the time but would later come to appreciate. She met with my teacher and became one of those parents who insisted on giving me my own spelling list. So, each Friday when we had our spelling test, my teacher would literally say “Ok, class, the next word is ‘cat.’ Danielle, the next word is ‘spaghetti.’” My mom greatly enjoyed making the list around a central theme, so one week it was dinosaurs, then the next would be food, the next would be insects. Suffice to say I was not the most popular kid in my class.
4. I’m not afraid of snakes.
I grew up in South Florida, land of strange reptiles. My parents had a penchant for buying older houses that had septic tanks and other strange plumbing arrangements, so we regularly had animals coming up through the pipes. Frogs, snakes, you name it and it probably swam through the pipes and into our toilets. We also always had pools – sometimes covered, sometimes not – so snakes went in all the time and I loved pulling them out. We played in the woods and outside a lot as kids, so I was constantly exposed to all sorts of reptiles and I quite like them. With that being said, if a tiny little field mouse crosses my path, or, God forbid, is found in my house, I will freak out. I guess I’d rather deal with venom than fleas that could potentially carry the bubonic plague; call me old fashioned.
5. I recently realized what’s “wrong” with me.
This is perhaps a snippet of a longer post for another day, but a few months ago, I realized what has been “wrong” with me my whole life. I have a lot of social anxiety and I’ve always done weird things like screen my calls (no matter who is calling) or try to leave parties early no matter how much fun I’m having. I thought I just was awkward, but actually, I’m an introvert! I was confused because I equated introversion with shyness and quietness – two things that I really am not – but actually, those are just two qualities that some introverts have, not all. This list is the reason I figured it out, and it has been such a relief! I no longer feel like there is something wrong with me, and it’s such a relief to know that being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re socially inept or that being outgoing doesn’t make you an extrovert! Being able to explain these things to the people I am closest to has really helped me find peace and make better decisions that will make me happy rather than just “toughing it out” all the time. Oh, and for those of you who are interested to know – AJ (the shy one) is actually less of an introvert than I am. Who would have thought?
Long live Lord Disick.
6. I eat my food sequentially.
This was a topic of conversation the other night when I was out to dinner with AJ’s family because apparently, I’m the only person who does this. I eat my meals in a very specific order: the vegetable goes first, then the entree, then the side dishes. I’ve done that ever since I was a little kid, and I don’t deviate – I never take a bite of mashed potatoes and then a bite of turkey and then back to the potatoes. The thought is horrifying and I have absolutely no idea why. I suppose I could eat a different way, but then how would I save the best part of the meal for last? How would I make sure I ate all the yucky vegetables while they were still warm? The struggle is real.
7. I won the “Human Relations” award in the 8th grade.
At one of those magnificent middle school awards ceremonies, I walked away with what was apparently a rather big award, called the “Human Relations” award. To this day, I think it is the most proud my parents have ever been of me, with the possible exception of the day I told them I was getting divorced. Anyway, this award was given to one 8th grade girl and one 8th grade boy who was friends with all different types of people and always tried to make other people feel welcome and included, which is something I generally have always tried to do. That’s not what makes the story interesting, though. The award was given out by our Assistant Principal, who had also been my Assistant Principal at the elementary school I had attended, so he knew me personally. He gave a really nice speech describing the person who would be receiving the award and he said “I will never forget these crazy earrings she used to wear in elementary school – my favorites were the ones with that had the little troll dolls on them” and when he said that, I knew I had won. Well, the next day, another girl who had gone to the same elementary school as me (significant because we had both moved to the new district and most students hadn’t attended that school) came up to me and said “Ugh, I can’t believe you won. I thought for sure he was talking about me.” And walked away. No congratulations or anything. Bitch, that is why you did not win the “Human Relations” award.
Exactly the kind of earrings I used to rock on the daily.
8. I own approximately 95 pairs of shoes.
This is not an exaggeration. At last count, I owned 95 pairs of shoes, not including the 7 pairs of running shoes that were still unworn in their boxes, waiting for my latest pair to get worn out. No, I just have a ridiculous shoe obsession and I have since middle school. Some are much more interesting than the others – I adore brightly colored pumps – but they have one thing in common: almost all of them are extremely inexpensive. With the exception of my running shoes and one pair of boots, all of my shoes cost $30 or less per pair. I get bored really easily, so I never believed in spending a lot of money on trendy shoes. I just buy them from cheap websites like UrbanOG and then don’t worry about it when I get sick of them. Also, my mom has bought me plenty of shoes over the years without realizing how many pairs I already had, and who am I to stop her? Now that I don’t work in an office anymore, my desire to buy shoes has greatly diminished, so I’m not looking to grow my collection anytime soon. In the mean time, if you need shoes of any color or style for any occasion and you wear a women’s 7.5 – 8, holla at me and you can borrow my shoes!
A little more than half the collection. There’s an entire additional shelf next to it.
9. I don’t like movies.
With very few exceptions, I really don’t like movies. I couldn’t tell you the last time I went to one. I think they’re outrageously expensive (thanks for that, Mom and Dad) and sitting in those uncomfortable seats kills my back. I also have the attention span of a gnat (another 1st grade spelling word), so after an hour and a half, I’m spent. Over the summer, AJ and I watched Argo with my parents when we were visiting, and even though it’s a great movie and I really enjoyed it, I could not wait for it to be over so I could stop concentrating on it. For this reason, I love to binge-watch television series. That way, I get a break between each episode. If I never saw another movie, I’d be completely fine with that.
10. I went to every Miami Dolphins home game for 12 years.
Painful though it presently is to admit, I am a huge Miami Dolphins fan and have been since I was a little kid. My family had season tickets for as long as I can remember, but when I was really little, my brother and I were only allowed to go to the games that allowed us to go to bed at our normal times. Starting at age 7, I went to all of them. Eventually, my dad realized that my brother and my mom preferred watching the games at home, so we made the switch to just two tickets and upgraded to club seats. He and I went to every game together until I moved away from home to go to college. Those games are some of the best memories I have as a kid and one of the (very few) things I miss about living in Florida. To this day, many of the inside jokes I have with my dad evolved from those games and the many colorful characters we met over the years. WAHTAH!
I get my sense of adventure, bad stomach, ability to negotiate, and unfortunate love of the Miami Dolphins from my dad.
LEAVE A COMMENT: Tell me an interesting fact about you. Come on, you can think of one.