I got to thinking the other day about some things that really annoy me in my daily life that are a) totally not that annoying when you consider things like world hunger and b) things that would only happen to a runner. Perhaps I spend a little too much time at the moment obsessing over my training schedule and running, but I’m willing to bet I’m not alone out there. So, here’s my list of problems that I only have because I’m a runner.
1. My socks never exactly match.
I have always run in Balega Hidden Comfort socks. ALWAYS. There is no deviation. All the pairs are white, except one, which is neon yellow. There is some variation in the stitching on the socks, but very little. As a result, every time I do my laundry, I can never match up each sock with its true mate. Sure, they LOOK the same, but the amount of wear on each pair of socks is very different. I hate matching a newer, more cushioned sock with an older, dingy, worn out sock. It pains me, but sometimes I just can’t tell which goes with which and of course where the other one has gone. I’ve thought about number the socks each time I buy a new pair so that I can just match the numbers, but I’m always so excited to get new socks that I forget to do it and the cycle repeats and I’m left punching my couch in fits of rage because I can’t match my socks. I know. I need to get a grip. Or bigger problems.
2. No matter who shows up, I’m the least flexible person at yoga.
No matter which studio I go to and who is there, I am inevitably the least flexible person in every yoga class. It is so frustrating. Right now, I go to a studio that I love, and I go in the morning after most people have started working, so it’s a lot of moms that are in their 40s and over. None of them are runners. None of them are super athletes in the traditional sense. But I’ll be damned if I’m not the only person in class who needs to do modifications on 90% of the moves. The other day, I bent over and touched the floor (with my legs straight) and it was such a big accomplishment that people cheered. CHEERED. I like to tell myself that I’m just inflexible because I’m a big bad marathon runner, but I’m pretty sure the joke’s on me.
3. I know exactly how to change in my truck in the most efficient way possible.
I guess this isn’t really a problem, but it’s something I wouldn’t know how to do if I wasn’t a runner. I change in my truck all the time because I get so cold after running no matter how hot it is. I had a meeting downtown right after my run on Tuesday morning, so I toweled off and changed in my truck in less than 3 minutes without anyone seeing a thing. If this was a sport, I would be in the Pro Bowl. I did order a snazzy new product from Orange Mud that came in the mail today, so I’m eager to try it out and see if I can take even more time off my current truck-changing PR. I’ll let you know the results, because you obviously care.
4. Getting laughed at when getting a pedicure.
We’re going to Ireland on Friday (I KNOW!!!) so despite the fact that it’s currently rainy and cold there, I decided to get a pedicure. That’s what people do before they go on vacation, right? I don’t get pedicures very often, so I usually forget about my previous experience just in time for the next one. Inevitably, the person doing the pedicure either laughs or stares at my feet with a mixture of disdain and disgust while trying to convince me to let her remove my calluses. Bitch, touch my calluses and I swear to God I’ll kill you where you stand!
5. Events that interfere with my race schedule
Again, maybe it’s just me, but I am extremely possessive about my race schedule. As you can see if you click here, I have a calendar put together almost through the end of 2014. Actually, it’s farther ahead than that for some states. Someone throwing a wrench into my race schedule is enough to have a breakdown, especially as I’m getting closer to my finish of the 50 States in June 2015. Of course, I have to plan a little farther ahead than most to make sure I hit all my states and the races that I want to do, but still. Imagine having your heart set on doing the Marine Corps Marathon and then your little sister gets engaged and decides to have her wedding ON MARATHON DAY and guess what, you’re the maid of honor! What are you going to do, tell her she can’t get married on the day of your marathon? Obviously not. So you’re just going to drink a lot and sulk on her wedding day like the mature adult that you are. No, but seriously, if you’re getting married in 2014 or the first half of June 2015 and want me to come with you, please consult my race schedule so I don’t have to silently hate you. I’m not kidding.
6. Awkward tan lines
Correct me if I’m wrong, but as of the writing of this post, there is no strapless sports bra or running shirt on the market. As such, I have ridiculous and hilarious tan lines that will never, ever go away. Don’t bother telling me to spray tan, because I turn orange. The most recent example of this was at a wedding that AJ and I went to recently. I wore a strapless dress and everyone thought my tan lines were hilarious. I literally didn’t even know what they were talking about at first because I’ve convinced myself that they’re normal and EVERYONE has these tan lines. Apparently not.
7. I can’t tell my old running shoes from my new ones.
I recognize that this might only be a problem for me since all of my running shoes are the exact same color and model and I am currently on my 4th pair in a row, but it’s getting to the point where I can’t tell the difference between my old running shoes and my new ones. I switch out my shoes every 300 miles or so because I can feel a difference in my legs if I wait longer, and as a result, my shoes never really get that dirty or beat up looking, except sometimes on the bottom. I keep some of my old pairs to walk the dog in or work around the house, and the other day, I couldn’t tell the difference between the two pairs on the floor in my closet. I’m not sure if that means I need to get rid of my new ones or not, and now I have this gripping fear that I’m running in my old ones. This must be what people who have identical infant twins feel like.
8. I feel like I’m starving to death 1- 2 hours after eating.
Have you ever heard the terms “rungry” or “hangry?” Rungry is a combination of the words “run” and “hungry” and is used to refer to the insatiable hunger some runners feel during tough training cycles. Hangry is a combination of “angry” and “hungry” and describes how you feel when you haven’t eaten in awhile and you start to get mad. Well, I’d like to introduce a new word to you – “rangry” – that I’m pretty sure I made up. It is a combination of “run,” “anger,” and “hungry.” It describes how I feel AT ALL TIMES unless I’m physically in the process of eating. I am always hungry. It doesn’t matter whether I eat a lot of protein or a little, too many carbs or no carbs, a lot of fiber or none, I am starving 2 hours after my last meal. It’s embarrassing and obscene. And it makes me feel really bad for people who can’t afford food and aren’t willingly putting themselves through such torture.
9. Having to plan my outfits carefully so that my favorite running gear is available for my long run.
I don’t know about you, but I do laundry once a week. That’s it. I despise it, so I do all of it on one day and get it out of the way and then forget about it for another week. As such, I have to carefully think about all my workout outfits for the week and make sure I plan carefully, especially when it comes to attire for my long run. The “grab the first thing at the top of the pile” mentality has gotten me into trouble more than once and is particularly important in the area of sports bras. A 5 mile run in a bad sports bra? Fine. 20 miles? Not so much. I spend hours each week sitting in my closet thinking about this. This is why I don’t have children – no time. Too busy thinking about my sports bras.
10. The agony of finding a suitable running partner
Ok, finding a running partner is hard. So many things have to be compatible. It’s like trying to find a suitable significant other, really, except infinitely more important (kidding…maybe). You have to have compatible daily schedules, goals, paces, preferences for conversation, feelings about walk breaks, race schedules, feelings on running with music…the list goes on. It is exhausting. And maybe I’m just irrationally socially anxious, but running with someone for the first time is incredibly stressful to me. What if I’m too slow? What if they’re too slow? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if they don’t like walk breaks? What if they don’t think my hair is luxurious? Ok, the last one has never been a problem.