It’s been awhile since I posted a list of things I can’t stand, but don’t worry, I’m always keeping a list. It should come as no surprise to any of you that I actually keep a memo on my phone where I can write down things that annoy me so I don’t forget to write about them. I know, I’m the smartest. And the worst. As always, take my rantz with a grain of salt. Obviously there are people who like doing this stuff, or it wouldn’t be happening often enough to annoy me. Sorry I’m not sorry, in advance.
1. Trendy Running Terms
I’m going to throw this out there, and many of you are probably going to throw it back. I’m almost sorry for offending you, but this has to be said. Anyway, it seems like there is a growing list lately of annoying words and abbreviations that describe things related to running, such as the following:
- Bling: A word used to refer to the medal given at the end of a race. Example: “Little Rock is totally on my bucket list. I hear they have the biggest and best bling!” Seriously, can we stop saying this (and other words for medals)? I’m pretty sure Justin Timberlake invented the word “bling” around 1998, and it’s been like 15 years since then. I was in 6th grade. PLEASE STOP.
- Swag/Schwag: This term is used to refer to the material perks given out at a race, usually at the expo. Example: “Did you hear about the swag at Flying Pig? I got a duffle bag and a long sleeve tech tee!” I’ll be the first to admit I am occasionally guilty of using this word, and I hate myself for it every time. I use it because I can’t think of anything else to call the stuff. So can we please come up with another word that is less annoying? I’m open to suggestions. “Swag” just makes me think of one of the most grating qualities in the universe, swagger, and “schwag,” it’s pseudo-yiddish cousin, is even worse.
- Marys/Half-Marys: An asinine abbreviation for marathon/half-marathon. Example: “I’m running two marys and a half-mary in June.” People, must we be this lazy? Stop the madness.
2. The assumption that I can’t do simple math
Yesterday I was looking over a golf tournament sponsorship pamphlet for work, and I noticed that you could buy a “Power Pack” for $20 for one person. Then, directly below it, was the option to buy the “Power Pack” for the entire team (4 people) for $80. If there is no discount for buying the thing for the entire team, why would you even bother to list that? We can all multiply $20 times 4 people, right? When I buy things in bulk, I expect a discount, dammit. If you’re not going to offer me a discount, then it’s really annoying to point out that the bulk option is not cheaper. Remember this, people who sell things.
3. Text message abbreviations
I know that a lot of this is done for the purposes of efficiency. I understand the idea behind some abbreviations, but I literally feel my skin crawl when I receive texts that say things like “Can’t wait 2 c u 4 lunch!” I mean, how many letters did we really save here? “To” vs “2″ is a one letter difference! “C” “U” and “4″ are all abbreviations for words that have 3 total letters! I can appreciate abbreviating things like “by the way” (btw) or something, but the really short ones just make me cringe. Please never use the single letter “u” if you text me. You’re causing a physical reaction.
4. Overuse of the word “sweet”
Maybe this is a Southern thing, so please forgive me if you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about right now, but the overuse of the word “sweet” to describe everything is killing me, especially on Facebook. “So sad to be saying goodbye to my sweet kiddos for the summer! This was such a great class!” “Love spending time with my sweet hubby and our sweet puppy!” “Babysat tonight for the sweetest nephews.” People are using it to describe their unborn children. YOUR UNBORN CHILD IS NOT SWEET. It could be the worst child in the world! How do you know? YOU DON’T. The thing is, it’s not like it’s a ton of different people all using the word occasionally – it’s a ton of people all using the word to describe everything all the time. I no longer believe your kindergarten class, puppy, husband, baby, nephew, Uncle Jerry, or grandmother is sweet. “Sweet” is the new “nice.” It doesn’t say or mean anything when it’s constantly overused. The worst part is, the people who overuse this word actually almost always are really, well, sweet. That’s why they describe everything that way. But still, it’s time to get a new word. Huh, I just realized I have a lot of rage as it pertains to use of the English language.
5. Speed work in the summer
I have a well-documented aversion to running fast, but I’ve been trying to embrace speed workouts as my coach assigns them. I do have a general fear of them and for some reason I’m always convinced that I could die during any given workout, even if this is mostly unlikely. I don’t like being uncomfortable when I run, and speed work is decidedly uncomfortable. Anyway, it’s bad enough in reasonable conditions, but speed work in the South Carolina summer is just hateful. The worst part? It’s not even the hot part of summer yet. I did mile repeats today, and I was literally nervous as I started the workout because I hate running in the heat and it’s even worse when I have to run fast. I pushed through the workout, but it still sucked. This Olympic-level dedication (ha!) better make me fast in the fall.
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