Would you believe I actually keep a list on my phone of things that irk me? I guess that’s not terribly surprising, since the world is full of things that are stupid and therefore annoying. T-Rex Mom used to laugh at me when I was a kid because I am easily annoyed by many things, particularly the inane actions of other people. I like to think I am not so easily annoyed now, and I think the fact that I haven’t posted an edition of T-Rex Rantz in quite awhile is proof of that. While laying in bed the other night, I started thinking about Kim Kardashian and just got really irritated, for obvious reasons. It got me on a train of thinking about other things that make me crazy, which then turned into me asking AJ what things annoy me. He named a reallllly long list of things, so maybe I’m not as patient as I like to believe. Without further adieu, here’s a list of shit that I currently cannot deal with.
1. Celebrity Nicknames
Originally, I was just going to write about celebrity couple nicknames, like “Kimye” (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West), Brangelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) and “Bennifer” (remember when Ben Affleck was engaged to Jennifer Lopez? I KNOW.), but then I realized that all celebrity nicknames are pretty much annoying. Jennifer Lopez started this trend with the ubiquitous JLo, and although that sounded ridiculous at the time, at least she was the only one, so whatever. Now it seems like every “it” celebrity has to have a nickname – we’ve got LiLo, KStew, and now JLaw. And this is where they have gone too far. I officially now have to take a stand, because Jennifer Lawrence is AWESOME.
She deserves to have her full name used, dammit. She is not in the same category as the JLo’s and LiLo’s of the world. First of all, she is hilarious. Second, she loves food and talking about how much she loves food. Third, she can actually act. She even won an Oscar because she can act. So please, media people, stop the madness. Give people back their names. I promise we can still follow along with your stories even if you use the bigger words. For the record, yes, I realize that I obviously could just stop reading mountains of celebrity gossip, but then how would I know what is going on? How will I know what Tia and Tamera’s (remember Sister Sister? I DIE) tips for bouncing back after baby are? I would not.
2. “Fitspiration,” aka inspirational fitness quotes and pictures
Flame away if you want. I’m ready for it. But seriously, if I see one more scenic picture of a runner and some inspirational quote typed over the top of it, I am going to lose my mind. I’m not actually 100% sure why I hate these things. I can’t tell if it’s because I like too many running pages on facebook (and am friends with too many runners) and therefore it seems like my newsfeed is constantly flooded with them, or if it’s because I don’t like inspiration, or if it’s because I have no soul. It may very well be a mixture of all three. Maybe it’s because it is pretty much never a normal looking person in the pictures that is out there running and looking like they totally hate it, because let’s be honest – for your average runner, during pretty much every run, there is some point that comes where it just sucks. It hurts, you’re tired, you can’t breathe, you’re hot, whatever – you just don’t want to do it anymore. Does that mean you stop? No, so how about we start typing some quotes over pictures of those people instead of super hot fitness models? I obviously am not volunteering myself for this even though I have an excellent patented hate look while running. If anything, seeing pictures of really fit people literally freaking frolicking up a mountainous trail with a 12% grade just makes me feel like there’s no point in even bothering to run. NO ONE FROLICKS UP MOUNTAINS. STOP YOUR LIES. Side note: My rage extends to all fitness pictures, not just those pertaining to running, but I’m not exposed to those unless I go on Pinterest, so it’s not as hate-inducing.
3. The Match.com marathon commercial
Admittedly, I’ve watched a lot of television while recovering from surgery. As such, I have seen a lot of commercials, but only one really makes me insane. You know the Match.com commercial where the woman is a marathoner and she goes on a first date with the guy and he’s like “Anyone can run 26, it’s the last 0.2…” and she finishes with “that really kills you!”
No. OMG, no.
I refuse to believe that this is an actual date, because we (marathon runners) have all heard that joke like…4000 times. Per day. Since we started running marathons. And it’s not getting funnier, so we’re not still laughing at it – at least not genuinely. Maybe she is just being nice and wanting him to not feel awkward, but I prefer to believe it’s a conspiracy and she is not a real person. Either way, it makes me cringe. Also, I’m not sure what she is doing with her life, but it is totally possible to meet people while running marathons and working and doing other things normal people do. Just ask AJ. He is basically beside himself with joy that I found the time to meet him.
4. My dog simultaneously hating AND being afraid of every other animal on the earth
I love my dog. It is a universal fact that he is the cutest dog on the planet. Anyone who has ever met him, whether they like dogs or not, has agreed with this statement. He once met a friend of mine who had been terrified of dogs his entire life, and within ten minutes, my dog (a Rottweiler, no less) had completely won him over. As adorable as he is, my dog is a total asshole. I rescued him when he was 4, and after behaving totally normally for 2 years and getting along with my other dogs (who now live with my ex), he attacked one out of nowhere. To make a long story short, he’s gotten worse since then, and now he can’t be around any other dogs or animals. Sometimes he doesn’t seem to notice them, other times he’s afraid of them, and the rest of the time he acts like he’s going to rip out their throats. And honestly? I’m over it. He’s a great dog with people, never destroys anything in the house, super cuddly, all of that – just not good with other animals. For a long time, I told myself it wasn’t worth dealing with because he is getting old – he’s 8 now – and he doesn’t have to be around other dogs if I don’t want him to be. But it sucks not being able to take him hiking for fear that we might see another dog on the trail. We can’t bring him to bonfires and outside parties where other dogs will be. We can’t get another dog because he’ll eat it. I’m thinking about getting a dog trainer to work with him intensely, but I’m worried I’ll never trust him around other dogs. Sigh. It just really bothers me that a dog can be so perfect in basically every way except this realllllllyyyy big one, and he’s not exactly helping out the public perception of Rottweilers. Oy vey.
5. The word “brilliant”
I realize this is absurdly specific, but I am so over the word “brilliant.” It is entirely overused, especially in reference to music, and I can’t take it anymore. Think of your Facebook newsfeed right now. I am 95% sure that you have a person, probably just an acquaintance, who thinks everything they are into is “absolutely brilliant.” That obscure soft-core metal band’s latest song? Brilliant. Random indie film that no one saw except this particular person? Absolutely brilliant, and a crime against humanity that it isn’t released to the public, but drivel like Gigli makes it to the big screen. This person probably has strongly held political views and would describe their party of choice as…you guessed it…brilliant. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have strong opinions or that they shouldn’t like obscure things. I personally like to believe I am a hipster in my own mind (my friend Lauren just fell over and died at that sentence). However, I do think we need a new word to describe things that are original. That is all.
Leave a comment: What are you ranting about right now? Or, if you once had a dog that hated other animals that now loves other animals, please leave me an encouraging story.