DIY DRIVES ME TO DRINK.

I’ve been taking a little hiatus from life recently, although it doesn’t really feel like one.

I am coming off of two weekends in a row with no marathons – that means I haven’t run one since Knoxville. I haven’t written a blog post since I finished the race report. I’ve been trying to do things that normal people do, like clean my house  call a maid service for a free consultation, pet my dog, and even sleep in my own bed, hoping to recover from some of the burnout I’ve been feeling lately.

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T-Rex Runner has a hate spiral.

The fact of the matter is that lately, a lot of the things I generally enjoy just haven’t been much fun. I’ve been going non-stop since December between races, traveling for work, traveling for fun, going back and forth to Florence, trying to finish grad school, etc. I feel like I’m never home, and for some reason this has started to make me panic about strange things, like the fact that my house is a mess or my dog misses me or whatever, so I’ve resolved to mix things up here during my three weekends “off” from racing. You can tell me if it sounds like I’m taking time off.

  1. Instead of running every workout at the same speed (slow) like I normally do, I’ve been mixing up my workouts, adding bursts of speed here and there, running in the morning, running at night, running at lunch, and changing up my routes. I haven’t done a long run since Knoxville.
  2. Instead of blogging, I’ve been doing homework and writing my thesis. Which is just like blogging, without the adoring fans.
  3. I’ve added Insanity workouts into the mix in hopes of boosting my cardio, strength and speed. This is a workout program for fools.
  4. I discovered this video and I resolved to start gratuitously adding the word “Jesus” to the end of all my sentences:
  5. I’ve traded weekends racing with a weekend in North Carolina with AJ and my parents and one back home with a rehearsal dinner and a wedding.
  6. I got two flat tires at the same time.
  7. I’ve taken on a host of DIY projects that I enter with great gusto only to realize I’m not strong enough/tool savvy enough/creative enough to finish them without drinking and calling a boy to help. I blame Kristen and Lauren for this. They’re all “oh you should join Pinterest, it will totally give you good ideas for yum yums and cool decorations!” No. You know what Pinterest does? Pinterest drives me to drink. First of all, the format is like a living nightmare. I don’t know who is pinning what. I don’t know why my friends who aren’t dating anyone are posting maternity photos that they “want to get someday.” I don’t know why there are boys on Pinterest. All I know is that I’ve spent a small fortune at Home Depot, Michael’s and Hobby Lobby recently and all I have to show for it are rage, hate, and empty cans of Bud Light. I would say follow me on Pinterest, but don’t. I’m too angry at it.
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    Oh hey, let me just procure a wooden pallet and a saw and I’m totally going to make these shelves for my dining room.

So here’s a few things that have happened since my last post.

  1. I got two flat tires at the same time. At first, I thought it was only one because I was watching it rapidly deflate and it made a violent hissing sound. “No problem,” I thought. “AJ and I did this a couple months ago. Now that I know how, I can totally do it myself. I don’t need no man.” I literally said “I don’t need no man.” That’s not an exaggeration. SO I got out my trust owner’s manual and managed to get the spare tire down from under my truck.  I flexed when I was done. I was all, “I am woman, hear me ROAR!” I took another sip of cool, crisp Bud Light and prepared to loosen the lug nuts. Then I promptly realized I weigh about 100 pounds too little to do anything like that. Three hours later, Blake, Emily and Matt showed up to save the day. The boys changed my tire in about 5 minutes. Then Emily noticed a huge nail sticking out of my back tire, so the boys decided to go get a tire plug kit. When they went to start Emily’s car, it wouldn’t start because Blake had left the headlights on as light to change the tire. It was 10:15 pm on a Thursday in Elgin. Not the best time for a dead battery. After calling everyone we knew, my neighbor finally pulled into his driveway and I ran down the street to accost him for jumper cables. They jumped the car, went and got the kit, and fixed my tired. The next morning, I got the special privilege of paying $600 to buy 3 new tires. I have now purchased 5 new tires in two months. And you can bet your ass I got road hazard insurance this time.
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    Me changing the tire on my truck…err, convertible.
  2. AJ and I went to watch Kristen run a half marathon. Everyone who runs in Columbia was running except me. This made me kind of sad until I realized how much fun it is to cheer for a race, which I have never done before. We made signs. I made AJ hold one. I cheered for every single person who ran by and tried to read all their names off their bibs. I started to annoy myself though because the only thing I could think to say was “You’re doing awesome!” or to the front runners “YOU ARE FAST!” So I’m sure they were totally impressed. Kristen killed it, btw. Lots of PRs that day!
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    The other side of Kristen’s sign said “Run faster stranger!” People loved that shit.
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    Pea 1 is now a Half Fanatic! Now she can come to the Maniacs/Fanatics pictures with me and Kate, if we ever get to one on time.
  3. AJ and I went to a wedding. The following momentous things occurred: his mom asked me to be in the family photos(!) and I did not get drunk. I had only 2.5 glasses of wine over the course of 4 hours. The wedding reception was held at a country club where black people are not allowed to be members. 1) Who knew such places existed? 2) Awkward that everyone working there was black. I would have been totes uncomfortable were it not for the fact that I was stuffing food in my face and thereby deadening the pain of injustice. THEY HAD A MASHED POTATO BAR. Oh yeah, congrats Jon and Caroline 🙂
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    Well look who made it into the family photo? Boom
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    Standard Lugoff girlfriends/wives/fiancees. Again, not drunk. Just sassy.
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    And that’s the last time we ask AJ’s dad to take a picture
  4. I got my first golfing lesson from my professional golfer boyfriend. He’s a good teacher, I’m pretty sure. He was very patient and kept showing me what I was doing and then how I should be doing it. Only problem was that I couldn’t tell the difference between the two and he used a lot of phrases like “turn the face of the club out on the upswing” and other such things, so I just tried as hard as I could to strike the ball and send it rocketing through the sky. I only threw my club in a fit of rage once. Who needs a pitching wedge anyway?
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    T-Rex Runner becomes T-Rex Golfer. It felt like my arms were constantly too short.
  5. We took AJ’s boat out thanks to the exceptional towing capabilities and stunning tires of my truck. It turns out taking a boat out is very involved.  You have to hitch up the trailer, put gas in the boat, back the boat into the water and off the trailer, avoid hitting all the white trash at the lakelook out for other boaters, bring everything you might possibly need while on the lake, back the trailer into the water, park the boat on the trailer, drive the boat home, back the boat back into the house, cover the boat…it goes on and on. I helped with no more than 2 of these things. It’s not that I wasn’t willing, just that AJ seemed really excited about doing it. Or something.
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    I know it looks like I’m naked, but think about how impractical that would be for my paleness and you’ll realize I’m not.
  6. I wrote a paper for grad school in the car while doing errands, because I’m literally not home long enough to write them on my couch.

Tonight I had grandiose plans of hanging up my new handmade medal racks that I would hypothetically make, hanging up the letters that go above them that I spray painted that say “Run Free,” and sanding and prepping the cooler I’m painting for AJ. Well, I can’t figure out how to get the little piece to fit into my drill that I need to make a hole for the drywall anchor. The letters still haven’t dried. And I apparently bought the worst possible cooler ever for painting and my arm started to hurt while sanding it so I decided to drink and blog instead. I don’t need no man for that.

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Who wants to bet the cooler I’m painting will not look like this when it’s done?

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