Embarrassing your family is what the holidays are all about.

Every year, typically on Christmas Eve, my family goes deep sea fishing. Due to the mountain human/my brother’s failure to purchase gifts before Christmas Eve, we had to postpone the event this year until the day after Christmas, much to my chagrine. My mom and I did some early morning after Christmas shopping, whereupon I ended up with three more new pairs of shoes and a really cute coat, compliments of T-Rex Mom. We set out for fishing around 11 am, with the cooler loaded down with bottles of beer for me and water for everyone else.

When we got to the boat, we were greeted by a host of characters that were basically caricatures of real people. You have Jersey Shore guy, wearing the requisite “I’m on a Boat” shirt (REALLY?), Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses, and carrying a case of Corona Light cans. I have to give him credit – he knew that you were not allowed to bring glass on the boat and we did not. Well played, sir. Other notable characters included Northern Tourist guy, who was wearing aggressively short shorts, sandals with black socks, a fanny pack, and a leather hat. You can’t even make this stuff up. It was like “People of Wal-Mart” all converged upon our fishing boat simultaneously. Oddly, I ended up sitting next to an acquaintance of mine from high school who now goes to Harvard Law. I mean… I have a blog…

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Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that there are parts of my body in this picture on which my skin is indistinguishable from my shirt? Because I am. The weather was beautiful, and my brother bought me beer. Apparently they only have Bud heavy on the boat. Not a problem. Have koozie, will travel.

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Apparently there had been a groupon offered for this fishing tour (ok, my parents bought it too), so there were tons of people on the boat. We were only allowed to fish from one side. I spent very little time fishing and lots of time waiting for my line to get untangled. Naturally, I didn’t catch anything. I was too busy drinking and people watching.

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The older brother next to us was making his younger brother cry. My brother was busy making awkward conversation about the quality of the internet in college dorm rooms with my acquaintance from high school. He alternated this with arguing with my mother about the various merits of each cruise line that travels to Alaska and why we should or should not choose each one for our hypothetical summer vacation. I interjected my request that we try and plan said cruise around one of the Alaska marathons, and I was promptly ignored. I mostly kept my mouth shut while not catching fish and letting my brother argue with anyone who would listen.

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It was on this fishing trip that I realized that I am the least outspoken of my family members. As in quietest, most shy, least likely to yell at a total stranger, most likely to refuse to argue in a public place. I’ll say that again. I’m the LEAST OUTSPOKEN of all my family members. So who wants to come home with me for Christmas next year? Don’t all jump at once.

After fishing, we headed to a local Mexican restaurant. I can throw down on some Mexican food, trust me. AJ knows. People I work with know. My family, apparently does not know, because they questioned my decision to order the enchiladas entree and the cheese quesadilla. The waitress looked at me like I had lost my damn mind. Don’t doubt a dinosaur, fools.

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In other news, I haven’t run yet today. After looking at that picture again, I probably should.

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