“Shoot me a text, I need to pop more pills.”

It feels like it’s been forever since I wrote a blog entry. I’m sure y’all have been on the edges of your proverbial seats in anticipation. Fear not, I have returned!

First of all, the title of this blog is taken completely out of context. I like to think of myself as the liberal media of blogging –  say something funny to me that can sound even remotely bad, and you can bet it’s going to end up on here. Sorry I’m not sorry, AJ.

Since my last post, I’ve been pretty busy. First of all, Black Friday only comes once a year, y’all! And my mom and I were finally reunited for this glorious event after many years. Since my birthday is right around the corner, most of my birthday presents were purchased on Black Friday. I won’t bore you with the details, but one of my friends texted me and was all “I bought a washer and dryer today! I feel so adult!” And I was all, “Yeah, well I got 4 pairs of boots…so…same.”

boots-2In addition to shopping til we dropped, I also managed to see some friends from high school on both Thursday and Friday nights. I haven’t seen them in at least 2 years, and some in as many as 5 years, so it was great to be reunited. The only problem was, being back home in Florida, there are only really 2 or 3 bars that people go to. When the holidays are around and everyone is home, it’s like being trapped in a live version of your Facebook. You look around, see someone you kind of recognize, then realize, “Oh wait! The bouncer is Vito from middle school! He’s married to Snooki, his high school sweet heart, and they have bulldog named Mugsy and she’s having their first baby, a boy to be named either Vinny or Tony, somewhere around the end of April!” Then you realize what a creep you are and how you need to start removing people from your friend list. Or maybe that was just me.

thegang-2My mom and I went for a lot of runs this weekend, and my holiday running streak is alive and well! Also, by “my mom and I went for a lot of runs,” what I mean is that I went for a lot of runs and my mom biked beside me, held my water bottle, and regaled me with stories. I really enjoyed spending the time with her since that’s not something we get to do very often. I’m still trying to convince her to actually start running, but so far no luck.

On Saturday morning I did 12 miles and then headed to the airport to fly home on NOT THE BUSIEST TRAVEL DAY OF THE YEAR. Not to worry, my mom still found a way to panic about travel-related delays because she heard on the news that 8 cruise ships were docking on Saturday and “those people have to get home somehow!” So I got dropped off at the airport much too early for my taste on account of what was sure to be a long wait through the security line.

security-2Fortunately, I’m driving home for Christmas. During my two hours in the airport before my flight, I had the misfortune pleasure of coming into a contact with a 9 year old asshole named Cannon. I will give this child credit. His name is badass. In fact, if I ever have a son, his name is absolutely going to be Cannon – he has to be a great quarterback by default, right? Unfortunately, this child was the devil’s spawn. Running all over the terminal, hitting his sister (the equally annoying but less-of-an-asshole Sarah Kate), tricking her tiny 7 year old brain into giving him 3 M&Ms when he only gave her one in return…ugh.  What is wrong with children today? My parents would have given me a swift kick in the ass. Actually, no. My mom just would have looked at me with the death glare and I would have returned to my seat. EXCEPT I NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT MY SEAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Because I didn’t become an asshole until I was much older than 9, thankyouverymuch. Additionally, just as we were about to board, the glorious bargain airline that I have come to know and love hate declared “the plane is broken. There will be a short delay while we get a new one.” No joke. That was the explanation. Maybe they realized that the whole “the tire is now too old” thing made people angry and they figured less is more when it comes to details.

I got home in time to get back to Columbia and catch the Clemson/Carolina game with AJ. We went to Ale House and watched what seemed like an endless parade of poor fashion choices, and that’s my favorite kind of parade, y’all. Oh yeah, we also watched Carolina crush Clemson!

carolina-2Today, I got another reader submission from Dr J, who has decided that I am the inspiration for the Garfield cartoons. I was offended til I realized he’s right.

garfield2-2I’m chock full of the Christmas spirit! And Hanukkah spirit, as an honorary Jew.

1322349954080_6361001-2In all sincerity, I really did have a great time at home. It was nice to spend a somewhat prolonged amount of time with my parents for a change, and I’m really looking forward to going back for a week at Christmas. Don’t worry, I already checked the tires on my truck. They are just the right age.

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