Cookie’s Song

I’m a rather prolific blogger today, so just in case you missed it, here’s Part 2 of the OBX Marathon Weekend race report. Today is Thankful Things Thursday and I have no shortage of things to be thankful for.

turkey-2Today I ran the Cooper River Bridge in Charleston for the first time. I’ve had two great runs in a row – 5 miles yesterday and 7 miles today. I’ve felt really fresh and ready to go, which is odd since I just ran a marathon.The sky was gorgeous as my coworker Amanda and I headed over to the bridge.

2011-11-17_17-51-46_149-2Please know that I tried really hard to be a good blogger and take pictures with my own camera (phone), but it kept focusing weird and everything ended up just looking like a bunch of lights. Therefore, I’ll steal from the internet as usual.

bridge1-2We ran up the bridge without stopping on either side and felt great! However, we stopped at our cars at mile 3 to get some water. Being the upstanding employee that I am, I check my work phone and come to find belligerent voice mails from my boss, who thought I was going to dinner with him and my other coworker and is now pretty sure I’m dead. If I’m not dead, he’s going to fire me  for making him worry. So I call him and tell him I’ll be there when I’m done running.

Amanda and I get done with our wonderful run and I attempt to head back to my hotel, with attempt being the key word. I somehow get lost despite knowing what exit to take.  I end up in the hood, the deeper hood, a mall, an industrial park, and finally, about 20 minutes later, my hotel. I shower and figure I’ll throw my hair in a bun to save time and get to dinner faster, knowing that KB and Dr J were waiting on me. I then proceeded to break the only two hair ties I had brought with me, so I was now obligated to blow dry and straighten it. Little did I know that the less time I spent at dinner, the better.

We went to a restaurant for dinner that has been affectionately termed “Skankland.” It is called such because it’s like the poor man’s version of Hooters, and Hooters doesn’t exactly scream class and sophistication. Our waitress was named Cat. Knowing I was already stressed out by getting lost and being there late, what do you think KB’s response might be when I finally arrive? Who knows, but he opted to introduce me to Cat by saying “Danielle, this is Catherine. She’s smart, you’re smart! She used to have a Rottweiler, you have a Rottweiler!” I just made some type of bewildered face and grunted a response. You know who’s not smarter than me? Anyone named Cat. And now it was time to prove it.

2011-11-17_22-09-26_3011-2It’s important to point out that we refer to this restaurant as Skankland because the girls there all wear these really short shorts and knee high socks.  The girls are generally not attractive. I have pretty high skank standards, and Cat didn’t meet them. The whole evening was awash in conversational gems from this girl, including: ” I don’t, like, eat hamburgers at restaurants. Only at like, Burger King and places like that. So like, I don’t really know if ours is good.” Or:

KB: “What’s good here?

Cat the skank: “Um, like what do you mean?”

KB: “This is a restaurant. What food do you have that is good here?”

Cat the skank: “Oh, like, everything!”

Before I arrived at Skankland, Cat had apparently shown KB and Dr J pictures of her dog, her cat, a host of friends and family, and indicated that she likes the color pink. When I ordered my burger, she tried to do one of those swift ” Oh, I don’t need to write down what you’re saying because I’m a super good waitress and I’m soooo smart” things. Then she got out her pad and made me say it all again. Then she came back and said “Um, like what temperature did you want your burger? Because I didn’t write it down and I am pretty sure I wasn’t listening.” So intellectually, Cat and I are on the same level. As KB pointed out, we’re basically twins separated at birth.

When Cat asked us if we wanted dessert, KB and I both lost it. The last time we had ordered dessert there, we ordered the smores, and I asked for them to go. What I received was graham crackers, marshmallows, and pieces of chocolate thrown into a styrofoam container. Not melted. Not combined. Nothing. “It like, smells so good in here when people order the smores! Please get them!” begged Cat.  So we did. And she brought out a little mini fire for us to cook them on.

2011-11-17_21-56-47_3681-2After the smores, we met Cat’s roommate, the esteemed Tory. I had done pretty well containing myself until this point in the night.  You may not know this about me, but I can be a little judgmental. I know. Try to process that revolutionary piece of information. I tried not to outwardly laugh in Cat’s face and I generally succeeded, while KB and Dr J generally failed. Fortunately she didn’t seem to notice. Upon meeting Tory, KB said “Oh, we’ve heard all about the dog,” meaning Cat’s dog that used to live with them until it ripped up their whole apartment.

Tory: “Really? Did you hear what he did to Cookie? I hate that dog.”‘

KB: “No, who is Cookie?”

Tory: “Omg, my Cookie Monster stuffed animal that I stole from my older brother and I like, love it. The dog ripped his face off.”

cookie-2She immediately whipped out her phone to show us a picture of the damages. Cookie had no face left, basically. KB couldn’t contain himself.

Tory: “OMG don’t laugh! It’s not funny! It’s a tragedy! I have to send him to a special stuffed animal surgeon in California!”

And that, friends, is when I got up from the table and went to the bathroom so no one would have to witness the tears of absolute joy streaming down my face as I tried to control my laughter.

Ever wonder what a special stuffed animal surgeon does? We did. So we googled it. We found Dr. Hanna’s Teddy Bear Hospital, where they refer to the wounded bears as patients. The whole website is really too great for words. It’s worth your time to read it, but here’s the process on admitting your “patient.”

Information on the process to admit your patient:    Dr. Hanna provides Evaluation & Research  (whether the patient is here or you send in photos via email)  which includes a written estimate for your review.  You can submit the admitting form by clicking on it on the left hand side of the page and submit the estimate payment by accessing it through Hanna’s Store.  The estimate  fee for this is $30.   Please also email or mail photos from the front and back, as well as close-ups of the patient.  Once the written estimate is approved the $30 is applied towards the total and a 75% deposit of the total invoice is required at the time of the scheduled surgery.  The balance is due a week prior to the actual surgery date and prior to the discharge from the hospital.  If the estimate is not approved the $30 fee is non-refundable.  If the patient is here we will be charging a return shipping charge.  We have flat fees for most of our services, and we charge for materials for repair plus return shipping.   Our rates are competitive and range from $85 up to $1200 depending on the type of surgery and the procedure involved.   In order to get a price quote please submit all the information via email and Dr. Hanna will provide you with an estimate.

See why I lost it? SEE?

With KB laughing uncontrollably, Tory informed him with a completely straight face that he has no soul and is going to hell. Then she stormed off in a fit of rage. Meanwhile, Cat came back and we told her we were ready for the checks. Dr J requested that the food and alcohol be split up. From the look on Cat’s face, I knew this was going to end in disaster. I figured we would either get two checks – one with food and one with alcohol – or six checks – one each for food and one each for alcohol. So imagine my surprise when Cat returned with four checks. WHAT?

2011-11-17_22-50-16_8771

In the interest of further confusing Cat, KB left a separate, completely random tip on each bill, then paid them all. Cat was pissed that she had like “done all that extra work and now just one person is paying for it!” So we told her that we had to do that because all of the receipts get sent to different offices. We’re world travelers from Los Angeles, Chicago, and St Louis, apparently. I nominated Dr J to be from St Louis.

Recognizing that he needs to get a soul and that he had deeply offended Tory, KB decided to write her an apology note.

2011-11-17_23-10-09_4211

Cat promised to deliver the message, but we’re pretty sure it will get lost in translation. There were so many other gems from this night, but beer has a habit of making things disappear.

Here’s some stuff I’m thankful for this week:

1. I’ve had really great runs this week. I’ve felt strong and even fast in the post-marathon recovery stage. I have a new running partner in my coworker Amanda and I am looking forward to running with her when I’m in Charleston.

marathon1

2. I’m thankful for Lauren. You may know her as the star of my blog. She likes judging people as much as I do and sends me hilarious gems she finds among her facebook friends to amuse me and pick me up when I’m feeling down.

fish1-23. I’m thankful that I’m going home for Thanksgiving next week for the first time in 4 years. As much as I enjoyed spending Thanksgiving with my ex’s family, I obviously like my own better. They yell a lot less.  Plus, although I hate to admit it, I miss Florida every once in awhile.

ba4. I’m thankful for themed marathons. I’ve already detailed my love of the OBX pirate theme. Yesterday, I found a marathon where the theme is CHEESE.

110507medals-2Of course it’s the Wisconsin Marathon. But seriously. DO YOU SEE THAT? The food at the end is all cheese or cheese flavored. You get to start in a special corral if you wear a cheese themed outfit (absolutely necessary). The only thing that might be better than a pirate theme is a cheese theme. Holy shit.

If you feel like it, leave a comment telling me what you’re thankful for this week. Don’t be afraid to say you’re thankful for this blog. No pressure. Don’t fight the feeling.

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