Procrastination as an art form

I’ve been watching with both delight and amusement as the number of people reading my blog has grown hugely lately, so thank you! If you like my blog but don’t like having to check back all the time for updates, consider clicking on the button immediately to the right that says “Give me my T-Rex!” You’ll avoid all that extra effort of having to type in my blog address because the posts will be emailed straight to you. And that’s my shameless plug.

This surge in viewers means that fewer and fewer of my readers have actually met me. That means you’re probably all, “Wtf is the deal with this T-Rex person? I don’t want to read her blog, I don’t even know what her favorite color is.” So, I thought I’d help us get to know each other better. Mostly, I don’t want to write my final paper for my grad class, which is obviously due tomorrow.  Here’s some random facts about the girl behind the dinosaur. Remember, I said “random” – I didn’t promise “interesting” or “important.”

(My favorite color is grey, btw, but sometimes orange.)

Fact #1: I only love running about 50% of the time.

Some days, I love running. Some days, I want to karate chop running in the face. I’m not a naturally gifted runner. I’m not fast. It doesn’t come easily to me. I don’t glide along as if my feet are propelled by tiny motorized clouds. On the days when I have a good run, I love running. On the days when I have a bad run, I tolerate it. There are plenty of days when I don’t want to go run. Sometimes I don’t run on those days. Sometimes I do. What people perceive as a love for running is actually a love for community. I love the community of runners that I am a part of. I love seeing old friends and meeting new ones at races. I love interacting with the spectators, watching my friends meet their goals, and learning new things about people. I love medals. I love Maniac shirts. But running? Well, I like running. But I love marathons.

Marathons, yes. Long runs, no.

Fact #2: I have a ridiculously good memory-ish.

My exceptional memory does not extend to people’s names. I used to be really good with that when I was a kid, but now, there’s really no point in telling me your name unless you’re willing to also tell me the next few times we meet. I can say all of the presidents in chronological order in under 10 seconds, and I learned it in the first grade. Ask me to do it next time you see me. I have a GREAT memory for clothing. I can remember what I was wearing, what you were wearing, and what pretty much anyone else was wearing on any given day if something interesting happened. For example, 10 years ago I went on my first date with my high school boyfriend. He wore a shirt that said “Girls are no substitute for a Playstation.” For some reason, we ended up dating for 3 years, thereby foreshadowing my poor judgment of suitable dating candidates that would last until very recently…I think. AJ wore a red Rutgers t-shirt – also questionable.

The high school boyfriend in question. I look 12.

Fact #3: I can eat the same food every day and never get sick of it.

I’ve eaten a burrito for lunch every single day this week, and I ate one every day last week. If anyone reading this works at Moe’s, I would not turn down a sponsorship. I drink the same kind of beer every day (HI BUD LIGHT), unless I am going to a brewery at a marathon or AJ forces me to drink the beer he brews, which is, by the way, sometimes good.  Some people think that I am a really healthy eater, but surely the only people that think this are people who have never actually seen me eat. I would probably be a lot faster if I ate healthy food, but eating healthy and nutritious meals is something I struggle with on a daily basis. My preferred food items are burritos, pimento cheeseburgers, Sprite, and Bud Light. That’s all I really need to survive. Don’t come to the T-Rex for nutrition advice.

Fact #3a: I’m a koozie whore.

Fact #4: I’m terrified of birds…

I know, I know. Dinosaurs are descended from birds and shit. Or the other way around. Or something. But look, the point is, birds are tiny flying murderers that exist solely to terrify me with threats of pecking me to death with their beaks of fury and razor sharp talons. Before you go getting all judgey, I do have a viable reason for this fear – I was attacked my seagulls in my youth. NO, I WAS NOT TAUNTING THEM WITH MY SANDWICH. I wasn’t even holding a sandwich, thankyouverymuch. Multiple people in my life have watched in amazement as birds actually target me. They seek me out for their attacks. Kate saw birds swarm my legs while we were eating outside at Moe’s in Knoxville on the way to Kentucky last week. I almost peed my pants.

Most evil creatures on the planet

Fact #5: …but three of my tattoos are birds.

This is actually two facts in one, since many people don’t know I have tattoos. In fact, I have precisely five and one-half tattoos, as one is in the process of being removed. I have three birds tattooed on my abdomen – one seagull and two swallows. All are symbolic of conquering my fears…which ironically, I have not conquered. Swallows are an old nautical symbol that sailors used to get for every 5,000 nautical miles traveled, but today, they are symbolic of having traveling a long road or overcoming an obstacle. Seagulls just suck and they attacked me. Every time I have gotten a tattoo, the guys in the shop roll their eyes as soon as I walk in and assume I’m going to kick and cry while I get my butterfly tramp stamp put on. I guess I don’t look like the typical person that has a lot of tattoos, let alone tattoos on the most painful parts of your body to get them. For the record, I obviously never cried and I  do not have a tramp stamp – butterfly or otherwise.

Fact #6: I get obsessed with things.

Ok, this one you probably figured out on your own. I have a tendency to throw myself 100% into things. I either do them full throttle or not at all. Therefore, I obviously couldn’t just run one marathon, I have to run one in every state…by the time I’m 30. And I can’t just buy one shotgun, I have to get a rifle too, plus all the requisite camo and outdoor clothing. When AJ suggested we might go camping, I bought everything a person might possibly need to camp, including a 6 person tent so I didn’t get cramped. I lack the ability to do things in moderation. I’m about to finish my master’s degree, but I’m already considering which program to start next. I can’t help myself.

Because there’s no such thing as too much camo for one person.

Fact #7: I have an extensive knowledge of extremely random shit.

Kristen has been trying for weeks now to stump me with the daily trivia that she gets sent to her every day via email, but she has yet to succeed. It’s not because I’m intellectually superior, it’s because I’m a nerd. When other kids were playing with Barbies or Nintendo, I was reading books – specifically, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. It’s obviously supposed to be a book you read, well, in the bathroom, but I would take it to my room and read it like a normal book. Along the bottom of each page was a one line fact. My favorite? Armadillos can be housebroken. Now you know. This penchant for learning, combined with my strong memory, makes me an asset on any trivia team.

I owned 14 editions of this book when I was a kid, but this one was my favorite.

Fact #8: Social situations make me uncomfortable.

This is one thing that very few people know about me and even fewer would guess. My entire life, I have been told that my ability to interact with all types of people and my social skills in all situations are two of my biggest strengths. Interestingly, I work very hard in social situations because I find myself to be the most awkward person on the entire planet. No less than five times in any conversation that lasts more than three minutes do I find myself wanting to slap my hand to my forehead because I say something that I find awkward. This may be why people think I am funny. It’s also why AJ and I get along so well – he is one of few people more awkward than me. He didn’t think I was awkward when we first met, but once he figured it out, he realized he is by far the cooler of the two of us.

It’s too much for me sometimes

Fact #9: I used to dye my hair brown.

When I was growing up, all my friends had brown hair. They all had braces. They all had glasses. Somehow, I was the weird one because I had blonde hair, no glasses, and no braces. Messed up, right? Well, I couldn’t get glasses or braces, but I could dye my hair brown, so I did, starting at age 14. I’m going to go ahead and say what we’re all thinking: “Danielle, that’s ridiculous. You have the most beautiful hair in all the land.” I know. I know. But the 14 year old Danielle did not know. Besides a brief period of platinum blonde hair in college thanks to lifeguarding, my hair was brown until I was about 22 and decided I was damaging it too much. My hair thanked me by growing back a much better color than it used to be. The only downside is that now people try to touch it a lot.

I know, it’s weird for me too.

Fact #10: I messed up my own baptism.

Ok, so my family is not religious and I wasn’t as a kid. I never went to church. I started going when I was 15 because a boy I thought was cute asked me to go with him. I ended up getting really into it, and I went through classes to become a member of the church, get confirmed, yada yada. Well, my fear of social situations is such that I became absolutely terrified of “messing up” my baptism. High school boyfriend’s parents, who were big at the church, told me that it was literally impossible for me to mess up. All I had to do was kneel down and get water poured on my head. I didn’t have to say anything, so there was no chance that I would say anything weird. Nonetheless, I was freaking out. My parents and my brother were stepping foot in a church for the first time in pretty much ever to come watch me. All my friends would be there. The big moment arrived. The preacher told me to kneel down in front of the bowl, exactly where 3 other people had just been baptized. Instead of kneeling in front of the bowl, I knelt directly into the bowl, thereby flipping it over and spilling water all over me. Everyone in the church laughed. Even the preacher laughed. Then he said “well we can laugh in church, can’t we?” And then I died.

My baptism was only slightly less triumphant.

So, now you know a little bit more about me. Now tell me something about you! Leave a comment with an interesting fact about yourself by clicking on the link beneath this post – it will either say “Tell me what you think!” or will say the number of comments left. Reading your comments will help me procrastinate, since I don’t feel like writing my papers for grad school. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

59 thoughts on “Procrastination as an art form

  1. Doing the 50 states too, your blog is so funny. I was the maniac photo taker at Louisville and I finished 3 min ahead of you, wish I had been slower to chat. Have been howling reading your posts

    1. Thanks so much Nancy! I think I remember seeing you – I was faster earlier in the race before my epic decline. Will you be at any of the races I’m going to? Check out my upcoming race tab!

  2. T-Rex I have lost many hours of sleep because of you. Ok maybe 2. The first time I read about you. When you get a bunch of FB friend request from cute runners, I can’t help but read a bit about them. Your total cuteness caught my attention. Plus I loved reading about your adventures. I join MM after the Louisville Derby/Flying Pig weekend of marathons in 2011. Our MM family is just so amazing. I can’t wait to see you in MCM and your tattoos. I promise to attack any bird that f*{<s w the T-Rex

    1. Excellent, I have always hoped to have my very own running buddy to defend me from birds! Also, I’m super jealous you got to do the Derby/Flying Pig double. I am so bummed that they weren’t the same weekend this year! See you at MCM!

    1. I’ve got a busy month of races in May, so don’t worry, you’ll be hearing a lot from me. Assuming I do not get pecked to death by birds.

  3. I can relate to #3, 6, 7, and 8. I have to have the same breakfast on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and a completely different but still identical breakfast on Tuesday and Thursday.

    Yeah, I’d say I’m obsessed. And socially awkward, too. But the older you get, the more comfortable you become with being socially awkward, so then it’s cool.

    1. Oooh you have good trivia knowledge too? We need to get a Maniacs trivia team going and then find trivia nights in all the states. I bet a lot of Maniacs have random knowledge of different places just because we travel a lot. By the way, I appreciate that you break up your breakfasts. That is a pretty good idea, sounds like something I would do.

  4. Random Fact Exchange: the 2nd and 3rd toes on both my feet are webbed. When I was born my mother decided NOT to get them separated because, she said, it would make me “cool.”

  5. Another random fact is that I messed that random fact up. The fur is transluescent and the skin is black. My apologies to Jesse. 🙂

      1. Random fact about Jesse: He despises any and all reading – unless it involves texting. When he was younger, he was even too lazy to read Cliff Notes. On his book reports, he would just make up what he thought the book should be about. Needless to say, this did not work out well for him. He really should start reading the blog so that I will not share information about him.

  6. Weird. I have a brain chick full of trivial bits of useless and useful information. And I taught myself all the presidents when I was five. Not only can I name them in order, toss out a number between 1 and 44 and I’ll tell you which president it was.

    Have lots of trivia books, too. Especially historic trivia. Go figure.

      1. And give up glass night???

        I always do well on that NTN trivia at B-Dubs.

        P.S. “chick” was supposed to be “chock”. Stupid autocorrect.

        P.P.S. Franklin Pierce (#14) says hey.

  7. TRex you are so awesome!!! I want to be just like you but I will resist the urge.
    #10 is by far the best. I can only imagine this scene … thank you for making my morning. (:

    1. Thanks so much! Feel free to be like me, but I warn you, it’s not as glamorous as it looks. There’s a lot of awkward moments, as you can see. Have a great day!

  8. I think I’m with you on the running. Do I like running? Maybe. Do I like marathoning? Yes! And I can get completely obsessive with some things. I keep a spreadsheet with stats from all my races, and another spreadsheet with upcoming ans wish list races. And I would absolutely prioritize these things above homework.

    1. Sandy, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that way! Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t love running the way some people do, but I definitely love marathons. I have 3 separate marathon spreadsheets so I am with you! Kate, a Maniac I run with a lot, keeps her spreadsheet with her in her purse at all times, so I think she is way weirder than me. Makes me laugh every time she pulls it out of her bag though!

  9. T-Rex is soon bigger than Facebook, so many comments! : )

    About the running: Agree. I love running in places there I can meet a lot of other runners, Central Park etc. But just go out for a run.. boring. I rather play golf or baseball. But.. Marathons… Just looove them. The energy in the start of a race is just amazing.

    1. Interesting fact: I play golf too. I used to be pretty good when I was a kid. I am now terrible and AJ tries to teach me but it’s useless.

  10. Fantastic baptism story! I feel like baptisms are always awkward for people who aren’t babies. At least you didn’t have get dunked into a pool? And I would eat a burrito every day of my life if I could.

    1. True…if I had to be dunked into a pool, I probably would have drowned. That would have been even more awkward. I ate another burrito today, of course!

  11. I can probably throw a golf club longer than a baseball… how about you? The golf course is the only place where I can get upset.

    By the way; ask Kristen Morris if her father is 81 year old and a cab driver in Kansas CIty. This gentleman couldn´t find the way to the small city of Olathe there I should run Garmin Marathon two weeks ago. He got lost in the GPS-capital of the world…
    I assume that he is related to Kristen Morris..?

  12. I’m a runner that just likes to run. Short runs, not long ones. Running a marathon is not on my list, but reading your blog makes me feel like I’ve run it without the training and pain. Thanks for picking up my slack!

      1. Looking forward to meet AJ, tell him to bring his driver! I have a mission to hit a golf drive in all fifty states, but I have my driver in New Jersey. I need to put Delaware on my list… (btw, don’t change the photo of you two, love it!)

  13. Great blog–hysterical!! (Well, not so much the Flying Pig entry. Hope you get fixed up!) Hope I get to say hi to you in Madison 🙂

    1. Thanks so much! I will definitely be in Madison either way and I am looking forward to the trip! Hopefully I’ll be able to run. If not, there is still plenty of cheese and beer in Madison to keep me entertained. Looking forward to meeting you!

  14. Danielle,

    What a great blog. I found it while I was searching for T-Rex photos to post on Facebook of, ironically, “T-Rex hates marathons”, since once again, ironically, I just signed up to run my first one in October in Baltimore. I ended up finding the exercise one, and modified it with the aforementioned quote.

    I, too, have a fascination with the T-Rex, especially the funny photo’s that I have been able to find. Things like, “T-Rex hates toilet paper”, and “T-Rex hates a ball against the wall”, and of course, my favorite, “T-Rex hates push-ups.” I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog thus far, and I look forward to reading more. I have posted several of my favorite T-Rex photos on my Facebook page over the past year, so feel free to friend me and check out my page. Good luck with your marathon quest. Me, well, I just want to finish my first one.

    Brian

    1. Brian, thank you for reading! Did you end up finding a T-Rex Hates Marathons photo? Because I could totally use one.

      Baltimore is a great race! I hope you checked out my race report for that one. It was my third marathon and I loved it, but it’s a tough one! Great crowds, shirt and medal though, so I suppose it is worth your time 🙂

      1. Danielle, unfortunately I didn’t find a T-Rex hates Marathons photo. I found T-Rex hates Pull Ups and T-0Rex hates overhead dumbbell press, though, both hilarious. I ended up modifying one of the black and white T-Rex photos I found. I have posted it to Facebook if you want to check it out.

        I will check out your race report. I have heard it is a tough one… Just my luck. Oh, well, I m running it with my fiance and a few friends. My goal is to finish and not die. Take care!

  15. Finally got around to reading this entry — two things jumped out at me to the point where I had to think long and hard about whether we may have actually met before:

    1.) I hate birds and all small flying animals with an unbridled passion. It goes back to a camping trip to a cave during the week that I quit the Boy Scouts, when our guide took us to an area where there were bats. Something spooked the colony and made the bats all fly around and swoop about, and a bat bit me in the face. You read that right — a bat bit me in the FACE, and it drew blood. Since there were thousands of bats in the cave and the face-biter could not be identified once I got it off me, we had no way to tell if the host animal was infected, so my 5th-grade self got pulled from the cave and rushed to the hospital for 3 rounds of rabies shots directly into my stomach. To say this “put me on edge” around small flying things ever since would be an understatement. Years later, I dated a very attractive yet painfully dumb girl in college who had a parakeet named “Birdie” (she also had a stuffed panda named “Panda” — yes, she was a special kind of vapid. There are just some things you put up with for hotness when you’re 20 years old). She didn’t warn me that Birdie’s “special trick” was flying from his cage to land on top of someone’s head, and when he flew toward me the first (AND ONLY) time, I’ll be damned if I didn’t reflexively spike that little bastard from the sky. Birdie lived, but I think I taught him a lesson about respect.

    2.) My favorite random trivia fact is also about armadillos, which is just…I don’t even know if “coincidental” is a strong enough word. I’ve never even seen an armadillo in person. But did you know that when a female armadillo gives birth, she gives birth to four babies at a time and they are all the same gender? Now you do.

    1. I don’t think it’s that we’ve already met, I think it’s that we’re secretly the same person…dun dun dunnnn.

      I did not know that about armadillos, but that is good to know. Perhaps I shall procure an armadillo as a pet.

      And I’m really glad I’m not the only one who thinks flying creatures are the most evil things on the planet.

  16. Random fact about me: In undergrad and grad school, when I didn’t want to write a paper, I cleaned. I am not a clean freak by any means, but if I don’t want to do something, the cleaning I’ve been putting off all of a sudden *must be done*. The only thing that could get my ass in gear was a deadline the next day and Josh Groban music.

    1. I’ve been known to do that too. I get in weird cleaning moods where all of a sudden I’m convinced my house is about to be featured on an episode of Hoarders and I must clean ALL THE THINGS. Doesn’t happen nearly as often as it needs to though. I do find the use of Josh Groban music interesting, haha!

  17. I don’t look like a tattoo getter either but I have 6! One will eventually be removed so we are kind of twins. And one of mine is a bird AND all of mine are on spine / rib cage / bones. Aka we should become best friends.BOOM.

  18. Soul sisters, for real. I am really sad now that I probably won’t meet you until next year.

    1. Running… I love racing, but running is not my favorite.
    2. I remember lots of random facts, but never people’s names until I’ve met them about 5 times and know I’ll need to know their name for the future.
    3. I could definitely eat the same junk food every day, but struggle if I have to eat chicken and veggies more than one day in a row. I dislike all beer though, so here we differ. 🙁
    4. I FRIGGIN’ hate birds Especially the way they peck the air when they walk, like they have a neck spasm.
    5. No tattoos, because I’m a indecisive control freak.
    6. Obsessed with things? Yup, just got my T-Rex shirt so I’m obsessed with you today. If I can’t find enough time to be adequately obsessed with something, I don’t do it at all, because I am into way too many things. (Example, was obsessed with knitting for 2 years, yarn and needles and projects everywhere and now I’m obsessed with running/biking/swimming so there’s no time for knitting).
    7. This goes back to number 2. I LOVE Uncle John’s Bathroom Readers. I have a bunch of them and definitely read them places other than the bathroom.
    8. I am extremely socially awkward. Like, I really want to meet you and run the same marathon next year, but I’m already wondering if it will be weird trying to initiate a conversation.
    9. I also dyed my hair brown for a while, but it looks awful with my pale skin. And I don’t have pretty bright blonde hair like you, it’s dirty blonde. Gross. Now I dye it RED! Love.
    10. I had a full immersion baptism and forgot to bring clean dry underwear and bra for after. Awkward.

    Oh and my favorite color varies all the time, but I love bright orange, lime greens and hot pinks generally.

    1. Wow! We really are soul sisters! Looks like the orange/bright green of the shirt is right up your alley then 🙂

  19. OMG – you’re hilarious! We have so many similarities that my husband just said he’s glad he met me first or I’d have lost him to you! LOL!! Hope to run one with you one day! I’ve got my 3rd marathon of 2013 in 3 weeks – Richmond, VA – then a BREAK (yeah right…). Hope to have the chance to run with you some day! I too am very slow… and have people tell me… “wow! you dont look like a marathoner!”… nice.

    1. Aww, thanks! I bet your husband is a total babe. SO jealous that you’re doing Richmond. That one is totally on my list for the future!

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