It’s not very often that I come out ahead of celebrities in life, but today, I did. You all know of Kim Kardashian. If you don’t, you clearly live under a rock, because homegirl is EVERYWHERE. Yesterday, she announced that she is getting divorced after 72 days.
In all other ways, Kim Kardashian wins.
In case you’ve forgotten:
Kim Kardashian makes approximately $230938420358934594378 per year. I do not. Kim Kardashian once dated Miles Austin. I did not.
But you know whose marriage lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s? That’s right. While I don’t like to revel in other people’s misery, I think I can enjoy my own success.
Besides my resounding life triumph, I had a pretty good Halloween, due in large part to all the food I ate.
Monday is Moe’s Monday. I never miss it.
I went home and bought some Halloween candy for the children of the neighborhood. I ate some.
In order to stop myself from eating the candy I allegedly bought for children, I made cookies.
Then Tom showed up on my doorstep in a Yoda costume. He made me wear it.
Today I’m home sick from work, battling the beginnings of a sinus infection. I’m sure my healthy eating habits are going to help me get cured in no time. Happy November, y’all!